Life is so Boring

I'm always bored. There's nothing to do. Nothing I want to do. I'm fucking lazy?

No money, no honey? Damn it I really want to be successful but reading all the time doesn't prove shit.

I don't know anybody or anything worthwhile.

I love anime and movies. There's always a cause to live for. A plot. A struggle. An issue. A solution.

Movies always come out with a good or bad ending (usually good). It's always complete one may say.

In life though, it's a mystery. I can't predict. I'm confused. I confess I am alone, tired, restless. Not knowing what to do sucks. Not having any principle sucks. Not knowing what is real and fake sucks. Not having anyone to talk to sucks.

I might as well go insane. I am bored out of my mind. I know the right thing to do is to avoid wasting money and time on entertainment yet I have nothing to show for it. No other thing. Nothing to move me.

I'm stuck and sick. Fuck...

My Vision - Day 21:Awakening

Laughing out loud with friends and family.

I am on a camping trip to explore the trails of our state park. I am in full gear ready for anything. Got my snacks, fire maker, water bottle, etc.

I take wonderful pictures of nature. There are no trash to be found. There are a lot of wild life in its natural habitat.

I'm such a good writer that I am flawless at making zero mistakes/typos.

I am knowledgeable on all books such as the Bible versus the Koran versus the Verdic Indian book as well as Buddhist dharma.

The sun gives me power. I love nature I love human beings who are part of nature.

Tomorrow will be an awesome day!

My Vision - Day 20: Change

I am happy and free. I am wearing a nice white collard shirt with some blue design. I am surrounded with family members. I am in Vietnam and we are having a family reunion. My Vietnameseis great. I can Speak it and read and writ. I have a lot of young and healthy entrepreneur friends.

I make the right decisions to move m life forward. I will not accept defeat. I will not sell myself short wasting my time in a job that is not worth my time or does not matter to me.

My core confidence will not be affected by my family members. I do what I want and am happy. I am confident even if I don't have the answers now I am confident about my future. All it takes is commitment, discipline, and hitting that daily grind towards that vision.

I take the momentum leap.

My time is important. I learn more than anyone else. I am bold and determined. My passion is in winning and that is my only focus.

What the Fuck Rant

I'm really sad...  I don't know what I want or how to get there. I don't have a clue where to start. I care to much about what people think. I feel enslaved to my home and parents. I feel enslaved or oblige to make money but I don't want to be a slave for work - it's very unhealthy.

I feel stagnated. Not happy. Wasting precious time in my youth living in my head. I have no idea what I want or how to get there since day 1. I don't even try. I don't even have a passion for anything, not anymore.

I feel bitterness and boredom and jealousy, I feel like nothing is worth it not even religion. Religion is so phony I don't trust in religion or anything. People always try to sell stuff so I feel that this also leave a bad taste. I feel stuck. Don't even know how to decide anything. Don't have any support system or any mentor. I don't know what the fuck I want.

Girls? Money? Sounds easier said than done right? I've already lost many great friends. My situation isn't going to get any better being the same or worst. I am so tired of my life. I wish I was younger and knew what I know now. I would major in Computer Science. I would study my ass off and get out of my fucking bubble.

I have been timid all my life it's time to kill this personality and start anew. Focus on my strengths? What so I can make a living practicing martial arts? Cool, Cool... Like who needs martial arts when you have guns? Who has time for martial arts when all you are doing is paying for classes and not making shit money.

What the fucccck..!

My Vision - Day 19: I am A Creator

I stop reading books. Books are fun to read just like watching youtube videos but they don't change my life.

People have short-term memory. Knowledge doesn't do shit but creates analysis paralysis and it build on top of it. It's not like people will remember to act on the knowledge either way.

The only thing that sticks to memory is caused by massive action. Massive action is movement and momentum which propels one into uses all the senses: listening, emotional, speaking, seeing, you name it. Only through action and personal experience can one learn.

The trick is not learn beforehand. The trick is to go in pursuit of what you desire by taking action first. Thus, you can learn in real time. You can also learn from you failures or success. Fail? No such thing.

Everything is a learning experience.

Stop asking questions. Ask many if you want to but the thing is don't stop moving and DO SOMETHING BRO!

My Vision - Day 18: Power Up

Comedy. Do what makes me laugh. Do what I find enjoyable and fun.

I'm so jealous of the college students. I think they all will if not many will graduate and become professionals.

I don't know what to make of myself.

Programming? Video game design?

I spend so much time online and at home that I don't get anything done. I don't know anything else.

Girls are cute and weird creatures. Girls are the motivation?

I'm a boss. I can finally breathe normally being a success. I find passion in everything I do. I am positive and outgoing. I am creative. I have hope, desire, and passion.

I am going to network and talk to people and I am going to find success by pursuing success. I am going to take action day in and out. I open myself to opportunities so I must create opportunities.

No more being wishy-washy passive conditioning. Bad spiral...

GO UP

My Vision - Day 17: Success is an Actualized Vision

The joys of traveling. The joys of freedom and success.

Success to me, means going after what I want and never stopping. It is the daily habit and following through with great strategies toward a vision that is worthwhile in life.

There are many things to learn and pursue. The only way there is to take the initial step, to try many things, to not be afraid to fail.

Keep going and keep winning. Get up if I fall down. No other great hero than myself. I am the master of my destiny.

I listen to my instincts.

I have a nice house, a beautiful girlfriend, nice car, happy parents and siblings. Money is no issue with me whatsoever. I am smart with my money and I build things. I try things.

I am an entrepreneur. A risk taker, A master of my own destiny. I will never die if I keep moving forward. If I keep trying and thinking positive.

If there's a will, there's a way. If there's an idea, there's a way to get there. Don't worry about how. Just do it!

My Vision - Day 16: Unstoppable

To be unstoppable I must keep moving forward. I must keep growing and learning.

I must improve myself. I must be who I want to be.

More sociable. More confident. More risks. More intent.

Stop what I'm currently doing and doing something different to change.

or

Keep my integrity to 100% by following through.

Take action NOW.

My Vision - Day 15: UNSTOPPABLE AMBITION

I didn't even need to have my own vision.

Saw the power of vision, passion, endurance, and commitment in Max's journey to become an RSD instructor (something I wanted to do once but didn't take any action, didn't know where to start).

Thanks Max!

And he's my peer too...

What is the word for vision+passion+endurance+commitment?

< UNSTOPPABLE AMBITION >

My Vision - Day 14: MusiK

I like music. I want to produce music. I want to understand music. I LOVE music!

Especially KPOP and sometimes KHip-hop. Even VPOP is starting to kill it. I like Japanese pop music as well.

It's a shame I never learned. I know music when I hear it. I should be able to make music. I should be able to sing music and be a baller.

Doing what I love who wouldn't? What's wrong with that?

Money?

Let money talk for itself.

C'mon baby. Money here, money there, money everywhere.

Do it. That's MONEY for you. Just DO IT!

Inner Conflict - Analysis Paralysis is Deadly

I don't get it. Why can't I make a decision. Decisions are so important.

Money v. Choices v. Time v. All.

No, no, no, no, no.

So  many choices. So many I don't knows. So why, why, why!?

Looking at these Black Friday deals I don't know if I want to for sure buy a guitar or a ps3 or a ps4 bundle.

Game consoles are soooooooo cheap these days. What should I do? I really don't know who I am or what I am.

I'm just living day to day aimlessly jumping hoops to hoops.

I need to ask myself is this a good investment? Will I teach myself this shit? What am I doing?


----------------------------

What should happen?

I am decisive. I am learning all the time. I am invested in my education. I pay for experience. I need a passion. I need discovery. I need love. I need to find myself. I am nothing...?

Bad thoughts again....

This is suppose to be a positive change.

Change

Who do I want to be? What do I want to do?

My Vision - Day 12: Excellence

Excellence isn't a one time deal. Excellence is an ongoing process that never stop on it's track. Nick Kelly was so right. He worked his ass off and never stop. He is a hungry Shark, not a hungry Ghost like the many average people in this world.

To move higher and higher is life's purpose. What meaning! What inspiration to excel. There's never enough. That's what I've been dealing with. I am always unsatisfied.

I am now pursuing goals/dreams/ambitions to great heights.

Coming from a Thanksgiving family dinner with a big family on my brother's side. I see how disconnected I am to the world. They talk about politics and daily stuff. I don't have any interest in I can't relate. They have adult conversations and I'm just out of the scene like a flower on the wall.

I am no longer this flower on the wall. I do everything with great purpose/intent. I will never give up. I strive to be the best version of myself despite how cheesy that sounds. I keep learning and implementing everything in life.

1. Make friends, be outgoing with everyone
2. Know how money works / insurance
3. Master computer programming
4. Take a martial arts class - Judo
5. Be connected with the world

Whatever I do I should KEEP LEARNING. LEARNING NEVER STOPS.

Look at a three or four year old. How much do they learn and how happy they are. They don't have restrictions they do what they want. They surround themselves with the big family and learn from their environment so fast every single day since their a clean slate.

What environment do I want to be apart of?

Go out there and get things done!

Awestruck Talking to a Helpful "Stranger"

Went to a family friend's auto shop to get the family car an oil exchange.

Was waiting inside while reading my Computer Programming book with another man.

The man struck up a conversation in dual language.

These are the takeaways from the wise man who is 42 years old.

• Go back to school. You have the intellect versus those where you're working at who do not.
• You are still young. The job you're currently at is more suitable for the older.
• It only takes about 2 years to go back to get another degree.
• Try to become a physician assistant if you choose medical or try to become a game animator.
• It's going to be a "tough road." Success don't come to those who favor the easy path.
• When you have an interest in something. You can do it. Go all the way.

He even gave me his card... Said he'd help me in math if I need tutoring.

Moments like this I feel awestruck.

Finally, someone understands me! Gives me the motivation to move forward!

My Vision - Day 11: On Success as an Ongoing Process

I finished reading all 3 chapters in Computer Programming. The information was easy to absorb. Learning sure is fun. This book answered some of my questions that have long been due such as what RAM was. Other topics that gave me an answer to my pondering was just the basics of what a computer is capable of.

Really, technology knowledge is always advancing so in order to keep up with it people like myself need to keep to date. That could be with anything from movies to video games to even politics or new mobile apps.

I see myself moving to Thailand to start a new youtube channel based on my personal experiences. No one has a youtube channel like this (or at least I don't know yet). Nevertheless this project would be a living example of a New World Ronin learning his craft on an "island."

It is amazing what humans can do when they try. Or when I expand my knowledge. I can always find a connection with one topic to another to solidify my understanding of something. Well even in this book the examples were rudimentary making the book easy to understand such a topic most would say "boring." I'm in no way to follow what most people do right? I got to remember this.

Most people = fail/stagnant/mediocre. I can "respect" most people as an individual but not truly respect the ones who do not go after what he or she want. Which most people don't do because they give up.

Those who do not give up are rewarded. Those who work hard are rewarded. But working hard isn't hard when it is fun. Work is fun because momentum is built. The "saw is sharpened" daily through execution if you will.

Success breeds success where as failure breeds failure or mediocrity.

My goal is to always have a high end, abundant mindset. My GOAL is not just any goal but one BIGGER, GREATER, quite STRONGER than myself.

Ideas in massive action creates momentum for the rewarded success which is realized. Winning is a process towards a destination. The Destination + Process accrued through daily actionable habits gives me the DRIVE to wake up in the morning excited and energize to DOMINATE in life.

My Vision - Day 10: Bruce Lee...!

Time is flying by. I work and I am faced with decisions that bash at me once again. STOP. Stop this negative train of thought. I was the one who chose to work here. I need to focus on what is right, right NOW.

Okay, so look. I may not be a success right now... STOP!

I am unlimited potential. The human mind is a wonderful thing! People can learn anything. Everyone is different. Everyone has different interests that guides them in life. It is up to that individual to pursue his or her goals.

In my lifetime, I enjoy martial arts so therefore I always watched martial arts movies. I played with action figures. I played fighting video games. Bruce Lee should be my mentor because he breaks all barriers as well as he is a boss. He is an action movie star since a child. I may not be like him but I can follow his philosophy in life to the max. He still worked his butt off to be the best martial artist fighter even though he has the looks and all.

He is the definition of a boss and Asian male figure that I am today. I thank Bruce Lee for being the best example of pride, culture, and excellence.

Do it.

Learn the martial arts for life. Beat the crap out of life with martial arts. Life is war and knowing how to defend oneself is a valuable skill to have.

I am fitness. I am health, happiness, and unlimited-exponential-limitless.

My Vision - Day 9: Awaken the Ambition

I am a New World Ronin (NWR) and I am a salesman.

Thinking that I am a salesman makes me a happy go lucky go who uses the power of intent to get things done. If I can conceive an idea than I can achieve it. If I want to sell a product I need to transfer my knowledge to the customer so concretely that the customer has to believe in both the product and myself.

The product will benefit the customer in that it will aid the customer towards his or her intent or exploration while at the same time benefit the seller financially as well as spiritually. The event or should I say sale will reconfirm to the seller that he is capable of not only helping the world by completing the sale through making sales through individuals but also mentally it rewards him a "mission complete" if you will as well as financial reward. Overall both parties win.

With this constant repetition of wins a momentum is beginning to take place inside and outside the salesman. He can literally quantify his own success by counting his sporadic increase in dough. He feels that he is worthy of this planet to be able to provide for his customers, himself, and his family by providing value whether that be through making a sale or trading his money to spend quality time or trading his money for material gains all this is positive feedback to the salesman.

Similar to a NWR the salesman has unbreakable confidence because he believes in himself whole-heartily. This conviction allow him to be a successful player in the game of life; The pursuit of wealth, health, and happiness. No wonder his customers buy his product. No wonder he has many followers or friends. It is because people respect someone bigger than himself (unshakable confidence). No pain, no gain.

No glory without risk or failure. Failure is only a piece of log which fuels the fire inside of the top-dog salesman which is his ambition. His drive is so great that he must live or die with it. To live with ambition is to remind oneself everyday what his purpose in life is and where is is headed. He should know the direction he is moving towards. His progression may sometimes be slow but he doesn't mind it as long as he constantly move himself towards his goals/mission. He knows himself well. He believes in himself because he truly believes that he was more than what society had told him or given him.

He is a self-reliant. Self-learned.

My Vision - Day 8: The Creator

Watching Dragonball Super today makes me happy. It ignites my imaginations to beyond beliefs. I see the will power that drives these interesting yet realistic characters. They do what is right. They believe in what they do. Their anger or strong beliefs help them become stronger to defeat their opponent.

By they I mean the Super Saiyans. They work with each other to fight evil. They are happy in their normal life. They embrace their differences. They all never give up. Saying this doesn't do them any justice so I'll say it again. They all NEVER GIVE UP. 

I create the world I want to live in. I choose Freedom. I will never give up or give in to the system. I work harder on myself than on my job. There's not a day where I think about making an impact on life instead of dazing off wasting time doing what isn't important.

I dislike slavery. I didn't know there was modern slavery but now I know. My education really starts after college.

I am successful. I am happiness. Nothing can stop me - not even my family members. I choose myself first. I trust in myself to do the right thing like a Super Saiyan. People may not trust me to begin but they will see in the future as I live the way I see of the person that I want to become.

A Free Artist/Fighter/Dreamer/Creator.

My Vision - Day 7 (Hiking with the GF)

I'm a Master on freecodecamp.com. I finished my front-end certificate in less than 3 months and am helping out with nonprofits.

I interact with people from all over the states and world to improve the tech community.

I can travel and work as I please anywhere in the world!

I wear nice trail gear such as light backpacks, tents, light sweater, and all. I go with my blonde gf who is full of positivity. She looks good because she's as athletic as I am.

We go camping. We walk trails. We jump over rivers. We explore caves. We sit under the vast sky to appreciate the night beauty. Under the stars we can do anything we put our minds to.

We also appreciate the wild life that surrounds us.

I am a professional cook. I can improvise with no problem. I can cook from scratch.

Life is good :)

My Vision - Day 6 UFC Champion

I am a UFC champion. I don't care what others think because they are just opinions of the average and of the mass.

It doesn't help me or anything.

I only focus on the task at hand day in and day out, week in and week out.

I do what is right. I eat and train right.

I am happy and content with myself because I am a self-made man.

I exercise my free will to do what I want. It is strategic. Move by move I move closer to my dreams and goal.

I follow my passion while developing my skills to outperform everyone else.

I am my own hero and my own enemy but I will come to terms with myself and not beat myself up.

There's always a way - that way is up or beyond lmitations.

My Vision - Day 5 (The Power of Upward Momentum)

Focus - upward spiral - momentum - small wins

victory / success /

limitless / possibilities / creativity

:)

Read the Napolean Hill's - Think and Grow Rich
-act, repeat

act, repeat x habits

beauty, rainbows, money, glory, healthy, love, smiles, new

awaken, ideas, englightenment

Random brain dump 

My Vision - Day 4: Dreaming While Awake - The Imagination Station

Hello world!

Haha... What to say...?

My family is the best. I dream of a happy family - mom, dad, brothers, and sister reunited and wearing nice clothes. We are happy with one another and full of smiles just like that time we were in the cruise. All of our health is 110% which means we are healthy - duh!

Everyone has a natural attraction and beauty if they can just be themselves. Say what they want and do what they want. Generally human beings are good anyways. The only problem that holds us back is the negative beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that we learned whether it be from our environment or naysayers. When I say naysayers it also includes some of our family members too unfortunately and that is a fact.

I dream a wonderful dream and a wonderful life with my eyes open :)

My Vision - Day 3: Get Serious/Remove Distractions

I don't waste time anymore. I am serious about my life. I do what I want and what makes me happy. People who are average can just shut up. They are entitled to their opinions and same goes for me. If they don't like what I like - too bad... They have low standards. I like pictures of natures and art and things that are witty and smart. Average people likes good looking people and stupid shit and videos that have no real value besides a laugh here or there or gossip.

My skin is fucking clear and perrrrrrfect. Flawless health. I workout every morning. I train in fighting and push myself in all that I do and that includes exercise. I wake up early to do shit because early bird gets the worm. I don't waste time at work nor with people who gossip or are negative. I come up with solutions and positive responses for all negative people. I won't join a pity party or a negative party and won't let that stuff affect me.

I don't dove myself into social media or useless bs for hours because I am serious about my life and what I want. I work hard and haters can hate but they will never be where I am at because they won't understand my fire - my ambition or passion. I don't care what people say because I am already internally motivated to be my best self and therefore I lead the way.

Being my best self I change the world for the better. I exemplify creativity, practicality, wisdom, and happiness.

Today I was suppose to go to an introductory course from coding dojo which I did. I found a great deal online BUT the only mistake I made was I was 2 hours late!

Nothing on the email said what time and for some reason I had planned on my calendar ahead of time to be scheduled at 12 pm but the whole thing started from 10 am and goes to 6. I sat there trying to catch up a bit. They helped me and were nice.

I was still behind. I was somewhat familiar with the basics but didn't even have a line of code. They basically have us students learn on their website and occasionally intervene to give a lecture.

Their wifi was crap where I was sitting and the their user interface for their website was difficult to work with. I had to leave early and get out of there. I do respect them I just didn't wanted to waste my time :(. I said bye and with all due respect.

NEXT JOURNEY

Just signed up for freecodecamp.com. I heard so much good things and saw a youtube video interview of the owner of this site - cool guy.

His tips are:

1. Code single everyday
2. Join meetups - Know people who code
3. Don't get hung up on tools
4. Focus on how to build it instead of what to build (What to build is a biz decision)
5. Commit to Open Source

The Craziest idea...! Join the KF Instructor's program.

I just had the craziest idea...!

For some reason I imagined myself quitting my job and everything to rejoined the dojo I use to attend to become a full-time instructor - to participate in the instructor immersion program. To be efficient and knowledgeable in all the difficult forms, techniques, Tai Chi, and Kung fu classes. To be able to be do fulfilling work surrounded by health and happiness. Well, my happiness has always been learning martial arts since I was a kid.

The only problem that I've seen and witness is the pay issue and time commitment. Doing this I'd sacrifice a lot of time not being able to do some other stuff like say travel?

At the same time I can learn and do hobbies on the side and also work to improve Sifu's business. Right now I'm really nothing. I don't offer much value so if I can help this place where I work and learn from the best by improving his business it would also lay a foundation for me in the future to go my own route since I'd be self-taught, disciplined, and experienced.

Isn't working a fulfilling job and be in a positive environment everyone's wish? Isn't this the vision that Sifu tried to tell me but I wasn't sold on it?

Why I Would Consider This Path?

Aside from the benefits of always being 100% at health and also being in a positive environment while doing fulfilling work, I would consider this path because honestly I've been searching for quite some time now and have not come close to knowing what I want. I waste too much time pondering and being depressed about my future as I don't see a clear path ahead of me. But if I joined the instructors program I know that I am challenging myself to the utmost "success" as their is a path that is laid out for me. There's never an ending to learning martial arts.

What Are my Worries?

Not being able to provide for my family because I'd be broke. But this is just a conjecture... With the time and discipline and the fulfillment here wouldn't I use the same energy and drive to pursue something better? Or have more time on the side to do what I please?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This morning I listened to a podcast about giving everything going in 100% rather than 90 or even 99%. So why did my intuition tell me to go this path? I had doubts about it before. I had looked down on the program before and never had accepted the invite from Sifu when he asked like twice.

But I've heard that if people say you're good at something don't you quit. You should pursue what you are good at. If I have a talent for martial arts than what the heck am I doing not pursuing martial arts? (one reason is because I don't want to "waste" money). Money is an investment though. In order to learn from the best who offers value you must pay.

My Vision - Day 2: What it Takes

I read great blogs and article and then practice speed of implementation all the actionable items that I read. I am a man of high value. I practice what I preach and what I read. I connect with other successful thinkers and people who took life by the horns and did what they wanted to. I find and seek out hobbies and new experiences that no others are willing to do what it takes to get there. People only dream of traveling Greece, Italy, and travel to many exotic places rich of history and culture. People only watch on their HD Plasma what have you television. While me? I focus on doing the most efficient and daunting task for hours and days until it is done. I focus on my health, wealth, and then relationships. I am all around interesting because I am not only a great and deep thinker but a man of my words. I take action everyday and challenge myself every single day. I don't complain but find solutions to problems - not only my own but others' as well. I offer value like no other. I play it smart and do my best in every endeavor. I make peace with myself because I know the worst enemy is oneself.

Life is great and it only gets better.

My Vision - Day 1: The Good Life

   I am wearing white nice clothes inside my house nice clean house with really nice furniture. Laying on my sofa with the my legs on the arm side drinking a glass of delicious grape beverage. I'm wearing a tan fedora hat and across from me I see the beautiful ocean and hear the sound of the waves crashing into the shore below.

I have a smile on my face because I am carefree and I know that everything is under control. My hot model wife walks towards me with a cute golden puppy. She's wearing a green bikini which looks great on her. She has a nice bottom and physique because she works out often with me. Her hair is dirty blonde. It's more like brunette. It's long and kind of curvy. She sits down and lays on me and kisses me on my cheek. She said, "Hi honey!"

I caressed her shoulder and side and kiss pull her in for a kiss and said, "Hey lovely." As we both gaze into each other's eyes and smile we can't help but kiss and touch as a sign of affection.

Outside I see a grey to light blue Mercedes-Benz convertible where I plan to take her to the beach and to explore the cave and then at dusk we will walk along the beach shoreline holding hands and embracing the scenery while we look at the sun set. We climb up onto a hill near a light house and look towards the horizon as the ocean quickly devours the sun toward the depth of the horizon.

My pals called me and I will be hanging with the boys doing cool things like having a bonfire with a group of young, smart, pretty, over-achieve male and female friends. We will eat, dance, and play games on the beach shore and gather around a bonfire about  30 feet high! Great music will be playing like European mixes and dance music. I'm having so much fun drinking delicious fruity and fresh beverages. I don't need to be drunk to have a good time as I dislike alcohol.

I check my wallet and it's a nice leather wallet with an American Express Card and a Dark blue Chase ink card. I have a lot of flying mileage on these cards and I get to fly first class on planes with nice, beautiful and young lady stewardess with great and genuine customer service skills. Sometimes like today I would travel by a portable personal plane. In fact I know how to fly the plane as I have my pilot license as well inside my wallet.

Life is great. I make great content for youtube and help millions of people worldwide. I live a great life being my best self. I'm not obligated by anybody or anything. I am a master of my own self. I am free.I am life force and I am at the peak of my emotional and spiritual well-being. Everything I focus on with my mind I can bring it to reality. It's a joy and fun really. I'm surrounded by lovely people who are positive and helpful towards one another. Who think the same way I think and that is to help one another change for the better. To share knowledge and pass on wisdom. To be open minded to challenging each others ideas and to listen with open ears. Of course my family is also there enjoying the time of their life as well. They don't worry about me. They believe in me since I am self-sustaining. I even cook and grill food for them and fly them to Hawaii. Actually I'm in Hawaii having the time of my life.

I am confident and outgoing. I am happy and generous. And I am thankful for everything I have every single day because I don't and won't take anything for granted. I know what I want and I get what I want. It's only a matter of time until I get what I shoot after. If something doesn't work I am not afraid to change courses to keep up with the momentum.

Family Environment: The Ongoing Problem

What they say is true... Stay at home with family and you pretty much belong to them. When your family knows nothing but work, being tired from work, and wasting precious time doing nothing, they want to time suck you into their shitty/ignorant reality as well. They don't know any better. They haven't seen or desire or have a passion for a better life. They are sleep and have become drones of this so called society.

And me? I'm a part of them because I'm not only blood related but I live in the same god damn house for years. Even when I wanted to go away for college I was "manipulated" and mom pulled the poor me card so I'd stay home and help out with the chores and doing errands for the family.

How can I focus on doing my own thing if they always pull me down. When one is retired and does nothing productive and the other is a work drone who doesn't want the best for me hold me back from success? What the fuck?

Do I really live in this fucking selfish world? Are my parents really interested in seeing me succeed in life or let me pursue what I want? No. I'm suppose to be the errand boy, the tour guide, the translator, the chauffeur, and even then my mother wanted me to continue to be stupid and tired working as a wage slave in a shitty and potentially hazardous environment.

Such distractions...! God blessed me for being a good boy who listened to my mother all these years.

Hmmmm where to start...?

Party and Awesome Newbie Friend (keep shooting and eventually something sticks)
So I went to the concert event that I wanted to and managed to hang out with a cool guy who I met at the same event. We haven't talked in like a year but we manage to stay cool. He was so cool and I got bit of his world or reality.

I was so happy to see him and he even went earlier than when people started going to the even! Also he wasn't a big fan of Kpop but he still went! He didn't make stupid excuses or ignored my invitation. So I was happy to see him because of this and even bought him a drink right as I got inside the door.

He looked like he gained weight significantly...

This experience was awesome looking back. There were all ages but majority were old enough. Lots of short girls and dressed nicely. This event gives me something to talk about!? *Insight - Do shit so you can share shit.

He likes Anime and I think he makes comics on the side. He showed me his cool ride. Talks about his band. Shows me his friend who he is skyping. Talks about wanting to get an Anime decor on his new car. The sound system of his car. Showed off and even wore his Charmander costume even though it makes him hot. Then showed me and changed into his "rave" pants. Not only did he do all this but he was cool doing his own thing not being shy and stupid like I was stifled and standing around doing shit.

He made my night awesome to say the least and gave a ton load of value! As if we already knew each other. Of course I talked to him a lot in the beginning as well.

He even suggested a late night snack at whataburger but I declined.

Dude..., I felted intimidated at one point too because I started comparing myself to him and I have nothing going on. Wtf. If only this and that... All these excuses and environment and family and blah blah blah didn't happen or prevented me from doing what I wanted to circular mental masturbation self-talk started to chime in.

Learning Other's Lifestyles Using Facebook (Reality Check)
Also a random guy who I kept seeing at these event added me on facebook. I chengck who it was and it turns out he was the Leader/DJ of the event. And so young were they - the whole group of hosts. The guy is living the life. He travels all over the place, has his own website, owns this company, and even has a legit and unique hobbie with painting models and Japanese Planka. Holy shit he has a portfolio-like display of all his stuff. A whole room worth which must cost him endless hours and $$$$$ to acquire.

This is just one example. Other example or people I just surf through had different things going on because they have a proper/high class occupation and not a job. They tend to post travel pictures and dress in style. I guess my ego took a stab and wants to compare my "depressed-lazy-azz" to these folks who look young and successful. In a good way it is like a reality check.

Insights After a Hard day at Work in My Sleep

What My Day Was Like
Today I did really good at work. Got home a little earlier than usual. Shower. Eat. Do more research online about coding bootcamps but then became sleepy so I set the alarm for 35 mins to sleep which ended up being like 2 hours of sleep as I get horrible images of demands from work. You can call it a nightmare. Stress/Dream/Seems like real but isn't...

Second Chance for Jack Donovan
Anyways I did more research and somehow got myself on amazon pondering about who Jack Donovon is. I read his one essay on White Rule or something and decided I didn't like the guy. Also read the comments and reviews for his books which made me decided not to like the guy but today I want to give him a chance and read his popular book Way of Man to see it for myself.

What I Learned About Myself - Use Own Brain
I am different and I have my own brain. I do not need to mindlessly listen to what others have to say. I want to make the final call. Just glancing more on his stuff and came across in a comment about a book called Manipulating Man about how the title describes it. The female author who wrote the book and published it in the 1970s received daily death threats and even her book was banned from the US.

For some reason I just love and am intrigued by ideology which is like a hidden gem from societal point of view. I am not a YES MAN (not sure if I used this term correctly). I am a truth seeker. I always listen and want to hear from both side of the story. I am a Mediator. lol random rant.

Anyways I feel like an idea rushed in my head about how it is true that Masculinity has been shot down pretty much. I don't want to be a wimp or a fool who is manipulated by women or society. The vagina isn't that special yet society worships it.

I agree and have noticed (w/ Donovan) that men often strive for higher conscious or higher purpose and ideals such as Strength, Courage, Honor, Mastery, etc. Well these four are the intro the The Way of Man book by Jack Donovon. Just seeing his Instagram makes me think wow this guy is pretty boss. He is living a life of freedom and masculinity like no other. Makes me think of how I always strive to create a tribe of brotherhood but haven't been successful. Now I know what to do and who to look for. I need to be of value with these Masculinity virtues and then I shall seek men with these similar attributes.

Plans
I don't like to tell everyone about my plans anymore. It seems like from the past that people (family and friends) always shoot my ideas down or point me in some other direction. I need to have a spine. I need to follow my instinct and do what I want. That is the criteria for success and success requires action... Quit my job / Fly to another city to take a Coding bootcamp. Sounds like adventure and fun!

Unexpected Off Day Became Spontaneous

Unexpectedly I was sent home because they didn't need me at work today. I was one of like 4 guys that was sent home. This kind of thing doesn't happen often. Maybe this was the second time that happened to me.

As I got home and looked for events to do I saw some interesting events like someone hosted a hike that day. I won't make it but I sent the event host a pm about wanting to go with the group in the future.

Another event was the Japanese Autumn Festival. I remember going to this event in the past and even in my intuition I was wondering when this event was happening because it was usually around this time of year and BAM! it happens to be today! I then saved a screen shot of it (probably had some percentage of flaking it lol).

Then I thought why not invite my Father to come along? Gladly he agreed without excuses or hesitation! Wow what a change. He's more adventurous now? One of his other comment was something on the lines of "to take pictures." Lol, this is a good motivator for him. I was like him before hahah taking pictures of everything but I'm not like that anymore. He also mentions that he wants to eat some Hu Tieu at a restaurant nearby. I picked up on that too.

So after dropping off the car I drove my Father to his favorite food restaurant place. There was a cute girl who just entered after us too and she was also having lunch with her dad. She's Viet and probably 19 or something? I can't tell anymore with Asian girls. They always look so young... Anyways I keep seeing her taking glances at me (So Daring!). I know that I want to approach her but I didn't ;( fearing the worst with people and fathers being around.

So at the festival there were a good amount of people I noticed who use to go to the same community college BACK IN THE DAY so old... The event looked slightly different and plus it was a cloudy day. It had a good turnout nevertheless. Dad took some great pictures. Saw some fashion show, a cool farm dance, and awesome judo skills demonstrated by children!

On a side note one of the familiar faces I saw was this guy who I kept seeing everywhere. He's like AA but likes Asians and hangs around Asians. He was walking with 3 of the cutest and stylish Asian girls. He held one of the girl's hands. Made me think wow this guy is living the dream! What a boss. Long ago he wasn't like this. He went after what he wanted and he looks like he fit with the girls too because he was also stylish. Makes me reflect on my life how I don't go for things that I want or when I do it takes me forever or I just don't get what I want.... Props to him!

Afterwards we went to get something my sister order for my mom and herself.

Seize the Day, Today

1. Do I tend to put off living in the present in order to worry about he future, or to yearn for some "magical rose garden over the horizon"? Yes I keep thinking and imagining a bad future where I am like the rest of the people I work with. That I will be like them old and hard working and just accepting the reality and hardship of life. I feel that I am too young to waste my time in this environment. I worry what would happen if I quit the job. It's been very difficult to find a decent job and so this is one major risk if I were to quit it. But if I did quit there would be rewards as well like freedom.
2. Do I sometimes embitter the present by regretting things that happened in the past-that are over and done with? Of course I do. I rant and talk about my useless degree or how college and education was a scam whenever I get the chance. I failed and am bitter and all I do is focus on this negative energy yet it has some truth to it.
3. Do I get up in the morning determined to "Seize the day" -to get the utmost out of these twenty-four hours? No. I have a negative mindset because I think about being demanded to wake up and get ready to go to work which lasts all day. And by the time that I get home I get super tired and unmotivated to do anything. I sometimes stress at work because it seems hectic at times. I do remember before when I would jump out of bed ready to rock and have something to look forward to. For one I think feminine energy is one catalyst or factor that makes me happy...
4. Can I get more out of life by "living in day-tight compartments?" Of course! Focus every second and energy on the present moment. Didn't Thich Nhat Hanh always preach of this? Focusing on the present moment also means doing something and not wasting time away. 
5. When shall I start to do this? The answer is NOW/TODAY/OKAY

Questions from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie 

A Day Off from Wage Slaving

Friend From Childhood
Today I hung out with my childhood friend who I haven't seen for like 2 or 3 years. I saw his cool updates on facebook of photos he took while he was on a hiking trip and thought about him. I remember how the very last time we talked he recommended me to read a book he read, the Millionaire Fastlane but I didn't read it because of a stupid excuse like not wanting to read a big book with little letters. Of course I am an avid reader but I guess that time I wasn't into business or entrepreneurship as I am now. Anyways thanks to him we talked a lot he tried to help me because I wasn't doing well in life and so honest with myself. I tend to have personal pity parties sadly... He gave me recommendations since I don't know what the fuck to do with my life and am not happy. This has been a freaking pattern in my life man... Anyways he suggested a lot of good apps like google trip and the dating app Beagles and Coffee. He also said I should learn to Tango and join Toastmasters. Same shit like last time! Seems like he forgot we had that convo already. I need to fucking do shit now because I want to change my life but I don't do shit. I don't want it bad enough. I'm too comfortable. I'm scared of the unknown and scared to quit my job and just jump into an adventure. My life at home with parents ~, ~ is probably the reason I've become so inept in life... So he also invited me to see his property he owned and gave ma a tour of the place there. It was cool. Initially I didn't want to go for some reason by I just say yes because it seems like a good opportunity. Even while driving there my mind was like this is too far blah blah blah. Why do I create these obstacles for myself? I'm weak minded. Overall I'm glad I went there to hang out with him. He's so cool and it's good to see what he is doing and is passionate about. It really opened my eyes to his world. Man he's my age and way more successful!

Friendship Rekindled 
Secondly, I hung out with my friend from martial arts. I reconnected with him since last time he wanted to hang out but I said no that time. Some reason I didn't want to end in bad terms with anyone in life. I don't have enemies and I don't plan on making anyone to displease if you will either. Does this make me a people pleaser? Anyways I set up some boundaries and express how I wanted to express rather than let him dictate everything.

Lesson Learned*
To grow I or you must try something new right? To try new things and feel awesome from learning it. Oh how I miss this "mentality" or way of thinking and doing things.

In addition I also took the bulls by the horn by going to get my packet for the color run, going to see my manager about my check and calling SEARS and trying to fix the trimmer which is like super old (15 years?) Lol.

Great day - also going home and playing with my cousin's baby. What a great way to spend a precious and rare day off from a 9 day streak of work consisting of 10 hours average per day!

What to Come
Now I need to read Dale Carnegie book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and consolidate all my old notes from previous books and than apply them to my life. Get the ball rolling and get the momentum going in the right direction.

Let's do this...! Godspeed!

I Don't Think I Have Any Talent

I want to start an online business. I thought about youtube and blogging and even writing an ebook for a long time now BUT I don't have any ideas or any valuable skill to talk about. In life I don't even have a lot of friends or am known for anything special so how am I suppose to create an online business?

Thoughts...?

WSP Summary of Success

No Excuses* - You are responsible for YOUR Life and Success

1. Internally motivated (Don't seek outside for motivation)  
2. Be prepared by consistently practicing on your weakness
3. Stress test - endure 
4. Sales is a crucial skill
5. Talent/Skills - what do people say I'm good at?
6. Don't waste time on Social media/TV
7. Cut off "haters" or those preventing Success

THE I DON'T KNOW RANT

Lately I've been feeling really stressed out about life in general. About all the minute details and cynicism. About  all the negative things I see and discussed with a pal of mine (Ken). I've just been depressed. No energy to get up in the morning. Nothing to look forward to at all. No goals or ambitions even though I wrote down my goals every year. No idea. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to the world and to myself. I'm so individualistic and self-absorbed that I can't help it. I see other people who are struggling and trying to make it but are spiritually lost like me to and so I know that I am not the only one. I have trouble making decisions. This in turn makes a horrible leader and self-destructive. I'm super insecure about my acne which has gotten a lot better. Surprisingly my skin tone has gotten a lot better after returning from training and I look so much younger (even baby face). I feel like I need a foundation because the foundation I had (Falun Dafa) I no longer believe in. It's made me too passive. Too cowardly. Too much forbearance that it appears as though I don't give a fuck. I'm a clusterfuck and I know it. I'm so honest with myself that I show it. No one wants to be around me and I don't want to be around people who I have no interest in getting to know. What is life? I feel like whenever I'm not doing anything like lying in my bed or just trying to fall asleep after eating lunch or dinner that I'm just wasting my life away stuck in my head. Not knowing where to go or what to do or who to look up to. Although I read self-improvement blogs religiously like B&D, GLL, and sometimes D&P I don't even act on what I read. I feel like it's true that people just feel motivated by reading shit but never follow through. Speed implementation is required? Is it the truth? I feel like I am so gullible that I read everything and like everything but in the end I have nothing because I can't choose. Information is overload and information is critical and misaligned. Info is contradicting is what I'm saying. I feel like I am my worst enemy yet I don't know what to do because I don't have a mission in life or a goal. I say that yet I write down goals and don't look at them often or act out my goals. It's really hard for me to apply anything. I don't know what is holding me back. Is it bad habits? Is it so narrow minded that I have no social intelligence?  Why is it that I can't do what I want. What do I want? Stop asking questions? Or ask questions and find answers? It has been the same shit. A cycle of mental masturbation. A cycle of self-absorption and suffering. I no longer know who I am because I was listening to Falun Gong on non-attachment. To not be attached to anything. So I'm nothing pretty much. I have no personality nor anything going for me since I don't desire anything. I don't desire suffering yet I'm suffering.

The Richest Man in Babylon

I read this book in a few days with time permitted. It got kind of puzzling towards the end as the narration confuses me. The author wrote this book like it was some kind of Bible. I took notes but it was mostly common sense item. The different rotating characters also confuses me. Who is who and do they have any connection with one another? Why is this book such a classic? Why didn't someone make a movie out of this if it was such a best seller? Where is the value in the book? This book can probably be summarized and learn from through spark notes or the likes - just my opinion. Or must I read it again to fully understand the concepts?

RSD Tyler - Self-Reliance for Good Emotions

1. Have friends who boost your positive emotions
2. Joke around. Watch comedy. Laugh at life
3. Passions. Good sleep. Good food = willpower
4. Make others happy and you won't feel sad - takes focus off yourself
5. Don't demand anything. No one owes you anything. You are a man so you bring value through your hard work. Blame no one but yourself. You earn your what you put in.

• It is up to you to handle your own emotions
• Be Congruent - be yourself. not try hard. comfortable in himself
• Wake up and ask yourself "What am I going to accomplish today?"
• Because you don't want anything you aren't tired
• Where is your focus? Yourself, Others, or Fun?

Muslim Service Notes / Resiliency Training

April 10, April 17, April 24  2016

CONTROL/Choice/FREEDOM

• 10% of people's happiness is what happens to them / 90% is how he or she reacts
• Don't try to control people; you can only control yourself
• you have control over your attitudes and behaviors
• "Training is easy." It's a built in habit. Things drilled or done daily. Has a pattern.
• Knowing what you don't like helps you understand what you'd rather do/like to do
• God is: Love, Knowing, Certainty

Proactive (Thinking) Vs. Reactive (Emotional)

Always think about the OUTCOME

Action > Outcome

• there are no actions without an outcome
• what is the outcome?
• think from the end
• when you think of the outcome you make better decisions
• visualize successful outcomes

The Beauty of Freedom is that you always have a choice no matter the status quo

Skill = Discipline; practice daily

Never blame others. Take 100% full responsibility and do the right thing. Instead of blaming/complaining, change your beliefs/mind. Your beliefs determine your life, happiness, attitude which is all a choice. Your beliefs can be a source of internal motivation. 

Freedom = Choice, so choose wisely

MIND AND BODY - You may be hurt physically but mentally you are strong

PRIORITIES

(it's your life). Have a # list of importance. Have order, a plan (see it)

KISS - keep it stupid simple. What does the Army expect me to do?

Be Humble (GRATITUDE)

Don't complain!

• Perspective taking
• There are homeless people without food + shelter
• Manage your attitude. Don't waste energy/time on negativity

1. Appreciate and value what you have in your life
2. Life is a gift
3. What are you thankful for? 
4. have an abundant mindset
5. What gets you up in the morning? (Purpose)

LOVE

Love is Universal: it's about loving everybody. Learn from everybody and everything. Love is your domain.

• not being exclusive but inclusive
• Love is a verb not a noun - Do it, don't just talk about it
• you cannot give what you don't have so experience it. Feel love first before giving it.

God is always Good. 

Do good and know God. Do bad and you don't know God. Why would you have hatred if you know God?

1. Eternal
2. no change
3. all-knowing
4. Loving 

PURPOSE/BELIEFS/Plan

The mind is everything; Focus on the PRESENT

*If you know what you want that's all it matters! You don't have to compete with others. Focus on competing with yourself*

• Define your purpose
• ask Q's
• find answers
• DO IT
• There is nothing that can stop you in life.You CAN do what you want.
• If you believe what you can do, you will do it 
• There are no limits in your mind - it is limitless
• Belief > Actions

Stop blaming others when you fail. You can't blame your DNA or genes, or your family. There are no traits called the shy trait or the stupid trait.

Everything starts with your: 

1. Beliefs (Certainty)

2. Actions

*"Don't let anyone change your beliefs or tell you how to live your life"

"Everything happens for a reason"

The Media fools you to FEAR and is BAD. Do not buy into it.

Problems/SOLUTIONS

If there is a problem, fix it. Do your part/take responsibility. Counsel - talk + deal with your problems

• Do your BEST!
• Don't limit yourself
• Don't listen to negativity
• Don't whine or make excuses
• Pay attention to details/signals before you make mistakes

Your Beliefs consists of what you want. "Ask and thou shall receive"

1. Pause
2. Think
3. Act

Win or Lose (*Secret)

• this is what society teaches
• if you learn from your problems/mistakes you always win
• you cannot lose if you learn something in the end

Negative vs Positive Spiral

problem 1 > problem 2 = downward spiral

achievement 1 > achievement 2 = upward spiral

You have two ears and one mouth. Listen more and talk less. Native Americans use the "talking stick" to take turns speaking with one another

REFLECT daily how you can do better (Self-Assessment)

VISUALIZE Success

Visualize Expectations  - "What does the Army expect from me as an Officer?" Visualize what I want. Create a mental imagery puzzle.

1. Wish 
2. Want it badly
3. Work for it

*Secret* Make them need you more than you need them. Make yourself valuable.

1. Think Positive
2. Be your real self
3. Don't complain, it's a choice

Success (Belief) = Purpose + Plan + Work + Persistence

• draw what you want
• see it often, remind yourself
• ask what you are doing to reach that outcome? (Great leaders ask great Q's)
• know why you want it

"There is nothing or no one who can stop you from getting what you want"

January 2016 Moral Reflection

1. Calm down. Stop cursing.
2. Don't assume. Find the facts. Learn. Talk. Ask. Find out other's perspective before making snap judgement.
3. Learn and move on. Don't complain or be around complainers.
4. Shift mind to think positive and practical instead of butthurt or victimized.

Basically do the right thing. I know what the right thing is. 

Ip Man 3 Invitation (Does Brotherhood still exist?)

Situation
Yesterday I invited everyone I knew who might or would be interested in watching Ip Man 3 with me but only a few replied. The thing is if they don't reply as soon as possible I won't have time to reserve seats for the show.

Thus, I realize that not everybody wants to be friends and even if you do something nice for someone it means shit if they do not recognize it. Like there's no common courtesy anymore. In this day and age we have many ways to reach people yet it has the opposite effect... People don't reply. Why? I don't know.

Observation
Do they want to "appear" important? Would you ignore your parents? Why would you ignore a good friend or "brother?"

Another topic is brotherhood. Like in Ip Man how a strong brotherhood circle is formed back the the days you do not see this anymore. People don't have any honor, integrity, common courtesy, or brotherhood.

They might say they do but they obviously don't.

Result
Thus, after various attempt to just make some good friends who are at least ambitious, it's a fail to treat everyone the same way. Only a few special selected friends are dependable. Who aren't self-absorbed or selfish...

Be okay with making few friends. Find the right one and keep them!