Childhood Trauma - The Word "No"

 I hate the word "No." How many times did I have to face this word? 

No you cannot buy that toy as my siblings and I begged and begged on the streets where a seller was selling toys on a cart in VN.

No we cannot afford martial arts school. 

No we cannot afford extracurricular for you to play an instrument. It costs money to buy or rent an instrument. 

No you have to do this homework or take this class to graduate.

Naturally when we were kids we would ask for things or want things but when our parents cannot afford it or tells us no we feel rejected or not loved. This goes deep. We don't know what love is really. 

In Asian culture we believe love is meant given attention or whatever it is to one and another. So when we hear the word, "No" it is as if the ones we believe who raised and loved us, our parents, are rejecting us. 

So we get bitter and bitter and unhappy when we don't get what we want. We think to ourselves am I worthy of love? 

No you cannot stay out with friends. 

No you cannot do a sleep over with your friends (We think to ourselves - Does my parent even trust me? Apparently not...)

Do you think any door of opportunities will open if the word "No" is tossed around so frivolously? Saying "No" is like being closed-minded. It's like closing the door or not even trying to open the door that could unlock to new relationships, opportunities, or interests.

Life is more than just staying at home watching tv, surfing the net, or playing video games. These fake realities that we create and bubble that we create for ourselves is limiting our vast potential as a human being. 

On top of that being nice or being reserved/timid does not help. Being afraid of the world does not help. 

We must be lions at heart and face the world in which the reality it presents itself head on. Would a Lion be a King if he isn't able to face his fears and look at his enemies right in the eyes? Definitely no and no one would want to follow a coward. 

Cowardice comes in many forms. The word itself implies taking advantage of the weak, being weak, or being afraid to take things head on. You can safely associate the word cowardice with fear. Don't be a "cow" be a humble, bold and determined Lion King!

Solutions

1. Instead of directly telling a kid "No" you cannot have this or do that explain to them what they COULD do to attain it. And also do not lie to the kid by coming up with excuses to justify the no for example, "You cannot go inside that cave, there's a monster in there." 

Asians for some reason like to instill fear or use fear as a tactic to prevent children from doing things and manipulating children to do things they wish. What does this do to the kid? It instills fear of the world, and anxiety at an early age that the world is not safe. 

2. Donate time or money to underprivileged kids to allow them to do extracurricular activities. This will allow them not only to learn and be confident in themselves but also stay away from trouble like drugs and alcohol. 

Conclusion

So say yes. Think twice before you yourself rob someone of opportunities. We were meant to learn and grow as a human species, to help one another achieve happiness and success. 

Autonomy comes with allowing a child early on to make ones own decision based on his or her interest. Autonomy comes with power and personal responsibilities. Let the kid make his or own decisions and let him or her follow through. We do not want to raise sheeps but independent thinkers who will advance and contribute to this world.

"All knowledge is self-knowledge." - Bruce Lee

Instill confidence and personality by saying yes to opportunities in life. Go out and figure it out because that's were creativity and the most learning is meant to take place - when we face the very thing in front of us.