;p
- Take care of myself
- Problem solve
- Independence
- Friends/Connections
- Entertainment - Kpop, Dance
- Learning
- Completing homework
- Working hard physically
- Trying new things - there is no failure/only a learning opp
- Thinking positive/solution-oriented
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Do What Makes me Happy
;p
Thursday, February 16, 2017
UnExpectations - Challenge negative Assumptions and all Assumptions.
UnExpectations
Sometimes things happen for a reason? Things have happening for the better in my life recently. Just going to new places and I realized that all my preconceptions and judgement of a particular event or person seems to change.
My head is definitely one illusion I've been facing. It has blinded me and made me fearful and negative. It has blinded me to what reality really is. When I imagine the worst or feel crap about a situation or person and then "do it anyways." My perception was not even the least accurate.
Things have gotten better as in I went with my Dad to one event which turned into an upward spiral and allowed me to go to other events and learn or meet other people. Life is meant to be lived in harmonious relationship with our environment and with others. I wholeheartedly should believe in this and strive for this kind of relationships.
I had such a wonderful and spontaneous time with my friends from KF class. We only expected the 3 or 4 of us like last year to dine before I go off for training but then we ended up going in a big group of 6! I had some little doubts about "oh it might get awkward" or so and so is not going to come but to my least expectations I invited this one individual and he ended up showing up! Wow it is so true that you miss 100% you don't take! In addition even thought I had invited this other person who rejected me, another person managed to invited this person. Wow again! say goodbye to limiting beliefs or barriers.
This really got me thinking now how it is so important to be persistent but first of all to take chances!
For the longest time I have never been so free and flowing and enjoyed such company. My only thought was to see how many people I can invite and just bounce off one another. I don't like to judge people and be choosey it has not gotten me far but made me more bitter and I think it is bad karma. Thinking win-win and connecting everyone together was who I am before I became a depressed monster!
We dined and enjoyed each other's company. Followed social customs and the different personalities made the evening fun! It is only when I am released and not stuck up in my own thoughts that I can be relaxed and make others feel relaxed as well. I have never heard this other dude talk in a full sentences ever since I was here but today I heard him talk and was at awe in such a small feat.
I felt more young and my smile was genuine. People noticed it. There's no need to keep telling my sad story over and over even if others had already known about it. I broke that pattern today by saying I'm fine and I don't need encouraging words like "hang in there." I won't let my thoughts or past make me who I am right now at this present moment. This present moment is all that I have and I will make the most of it. Physically I used this moment to train to my maximum potential. I've "mastered" my techniques by feeling the time, flow, strength, relax, smooth, and rough parts. I have control and balance over my body.
I feel like its the right thing to do to just focus on the positive and not judge people because I never know what to expect. I should rather expect the best. Little things really make me feel excited and surprised when I learn something new. Growth and Life is synonymous; there can't be one without the other.
Connections are important to keep oneself up to a high level of standards if any standard at all. Without connections with family and friends I become withdraw in isolation pitying myself and not even taking care of myself. I had no one or accountability. I was lifeless in despair... I don't want this for anybody! Could this be that choosing to be a counselor is the path for me?
Positivity from dinner was so infectious that I was glowing with radiance and self-confidence. I introduced myself to the barista that my friend and I had visited again.
The 4 Agreements
1. My words are truthful (I go by my standards not societys - just because people favor popularity doesn't mean I should burn bridges)
2. I don't take anything personally (I control my reality before I let anything not even myself hurt myself)
3. I don't make assumptions (This one's a true limiting belief destroyer!)
4. I always do my best
Social, Relationships, Hugs, Love, Generosity, Customs, Social Int., Present moment, Joy, Happiness = IDGAF
Friendship > Money
It is better to give than to receive. I have been practicing this subconsciously and consciously. Money doesn't mean much to me because relationship matters more. Through hanging out with a friend and his friend Lisa last time I am reminded not to judge a person by the way they look and that understanding them brings joy to both side (win-win). We both learn from one another. If I do not give everyone a chance to get to know or understand them than I would be missing out. Thanks to Teresa for enlightening me on this topic before. I feel joy, her love, generosity, abundance, and am becoming more opened to the world to which requires my life force.
Going to CSL taught me to give and to greet "others" or "strangers." Going with father to Adult daycare also taught me to not judge people. I am really One with All. I learn about myself and others through social interactions.
Social, Relationships, Hugs, Love, Generosity, Customs, Social Int., Present moment, Joy, Happiness = IDGAF
Friendship > Money
It is better to give than to receive. I have been practicing this subconsciously and consciously. Money doesn't mean much to me because relationship matters more. Through hanging out with a friend and his friend Lisa last time I am reminded not to judge a person by the way they look and that understanding them brings joy to both side (win-win). We both learn from one another. If I do not give everyone a chance to get to know or understand them than I would be missing out. Thanks to Teresa for enlightening me on this topic before. I feel joy, her love, generosity, abundance, and am becoming more opened to the world to which requires my life force.
Going to CSL taught me to give and to greet "others" or "strangers." Going with father to Adult daycare also taught me to not judge people. I am really One with All. I learn about myself and others through social interactions.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Sadhguru - Live life with Mindful or Conscious Choices that Benefit you (Joy, Peace, Love)
Confused Mind
Be life. Live life. Do not live life in your mind. Do not gossip. Lots of people avoid reality by gossiping. People run away from life and BS themselves and others with gossip and entertainment. When you do not BS yourself or others, your life improves.
It is normal for the mind to be confused. When your thoughts and emotions take up too much space, you are not living life in this reality.
Do not sit around talking philosophy and high reality. People are too minuscule to come up with truths about life. Generally men who do not have work sit around and think shit up. You can only know reality through living in and not thinking about it. Secondly, talking and gossiping fulfills a void which prevent space for the real experience to enter. You shouldn't be talking about God and Highly things if you have not witness such things.
A focused clear thought can protect yourself from confusion. You need a filter and not a wall.
Mind's confusion is its nature.
Do not talk about anything that is not true for you. This would be lying. Your brain can trick you into believing what your mind tells you instead of what is in reality.
You can never ever figure life out with your mind. You can only be life by living it.
Suffering
Suffering is self-caused. People suffer from everything. Take control of your mind and body to create the life you want.
If you can create one moment of freedom/blissful couldn't you create many more of these moments? You can consciously choose joy over sadness. Master your mind and body and energy so that you can create the life that you wish. Conscious choice over compulsive choice.
You are not your Mind
You have 3 options:
1. be the filth your Mind tells you
2. run away from the filth (lying to oneself)
3. transform the filth into a fragrant flower
Your environment and subconsciousness make up your mind. You have to organize your mind and focus on what matters. Turn copper into gold with your mind not copper into shit.
If you expand your sensation outwardly and inclusively, you will recognize that everyone and everything is also you (Non-judgmental, Inclusive)
Sadhguru on Creating and Attracting Positives in our Life with Commitment or Faith
"Anything can be accomplished with commitment" - Mr. Cho
The Law of Attraction
Align and organize Mind+Body+Emotion+Source Energy into what it is you want.
2 ways to do this: 1. Unwavering Faith / 2. Unwavering Commitment
Everybody wants inner and outer peace. Everyone wants peace, love, and joy. Every morning wake up with the thought; "I will create a world full of love, peace, and joy.
Goal is to become the Creator of our life.
- Sadhguru
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Buddhism - None self / Nonattachment / Everyone is interconnected
What causes suffering?
Let go of expectations, greed, and craving because they cause unhappiness. This does not mean be reclusive and be irresponsible. Still need to do my best and put 100% effort into what I am doing. Do not let negative emotions which arise from ignorance, greed, expectations, or craving control me. That would be a dangerous way to live or behave as they are negative consequences to negative action.
Do good. Don't do evil. Purify the mind. Don't even expect good things to happen by doing good and vice versa. Expectations results in unhappiness and disappointment. Let go...
Harmony / everyone is interconnected. Everything is capable if we work together. I wouldn't have the things I have right now if it weren't for everyone's effort to say make my clothes, work for the electric company, or work at WalMart. Everyone is related and interconnected. We share the same planet and resources! There is no you or I. There is just one. Allow us to no longer experience loneliness and alienation.
Impermanance - nothing remains the same
Action Steps
A. Practice Moral Discipline
Note* Practicing these 3 will come off self-centered at first but eventually I will be happier. The practice is strengthened when I feel compelled to help others on the same path.
Resource: Awaken to the Buddha Within by Ven. Wuling
What causes suffering?
Let go of expectations, greed, and craving because they cause unhappiness. This does not mean be reclusive and be irresponsible. Still need to do my best and put 100% effort into what I am doing. Do not let negative emotions which arise from ignorance, greed, expectations, or craving control me. That would be a dangerous way to live or behave as they are negative consequences to negative action.
Do good. Don't do evil. Purify the mind. Don't even expect good things to happen by doing good and vice versa. Expectations results in unhappiness and disappointment. Let go...
Harmony / everyone is interconnected. Everything is capable if we work together. I wouldn't have the things I have right now if it weren't for everyone's effort to say make my clothes, work for the electric company, or work at WalMart. Everyone is related and interconnected. We share the same planet and resources! There is no you or I. There is just one. Allow us to no longer experience loneliness and alienation.
Impermanance - nothing remains the same
Action Steps
A. Practice Moral Discipline
- no killing (also harming others)
- stealing
- sexual, or sensual misconduct
- lying
- taking intoxicants
B. Meditative Concentration
- focus on what we are doing in the moment (not just siting) : avoid distractions
- no distractions, worries, doubts, drowsiness, discrimination, or attachments
- remain unaffected by our environment and maintain a calm, undisturbed mind
- this state will bring joy and a sense of ease
- eventually, allow us to see things as they truly are
- does nor attache to thoughts. Mind not pulled in many direction (not self-mastery)
- allow us to make less mistakes
- frustration diminish allowing us to be happier
- no fear or worries
C. Intuitive Wisdom
- insightful knowing and understanding
- arises from within us when our minds are clear and calm
Resource: Awaken to the Buddha Within by Ven. Wuling
Putting the Puzzle Pieces together - Master the Self
Inspiration/Sources - Sadhguru / Falun Dafa article on loneliness / Buddhism and the Middle way, Greed
Topics: depression, thoughts, emotions, imagination, purpose in life, dead serious, qing or human sentimentality
This guy is truly amazing in his craft of words and logic. His answers to common questions are highly original, creative, and like a slap in the face of freshness.
He said that the majority of people's illness's like depression are self-created. Depression is a thin line between sanity and insanity. Once crossed you kind of get stuck in depression if you cross that line too often. People who want attention become depress so that they can get attention. Asking "How are you" is a form of attention seeking. This qing or human sentimentality is so strong in every human beings. We cannot stand being alone. We rationalize and do so much to avoid the void. We are social creatures?
Illusion
Thoughts, emotions, and imagination are all hallucinations we create in our mind. There's no way to prove it. These intangible ideas only pave way to a will said Sadhguru. Other than that, this is all just assumptions. Our thoughts and imagination are so strong that it becomes our "reality" and we cannot see anything else in a different light. What an illusion. Life is meant to live in the now. Life is meant to be engaging with one another and create experiences and not be super serious all the time. There needs to be balance or the Middle way.
Seriousness
Life purpose and being dead serious is a funny topic now because of how Sadhguru spoke of it. He said do something ridiculous to get out of that seriousness. What I understood from him is that people who are serious think they are self-important or what they are doing is so important that they forget to enjoy life. They don't care for laughter and the simple things in life. It pays to be joyous not sad. There's no point in falling into depression. Depression is a sign that I must change. Anger and negative emotions can cause seriousness and depression.
Reflections
Looking back I've become this "dead serious" person who always strive and strive for self-improvement. I've lost my fun because I'm so serious and constantly thinking about important topics getting lost in my head about what I want to do as a career in the future. Still I'm undecided and I let my life pass me by so quickly wasting time doing nothing but being in my head or constantly doing research = aka overthinking. I Should stop being so god damn serious and have fun. I need balance. Try something new. Go to some place new. Get inspired!
What I think Self-mastery is
Self-master ultimately means having control over my thoughts, emotions, imagination. Self-mastery is being fully present and living a balance life based on self-awareness. Can't be sad all the time or fuel negative emotions all the time. Instead, be happy and live a simple life. Learn and experience life to the fullest.
Topics: depression, thoughts, emotions, imagination, purpose in life, dead serious, qing or human sentimentality
This guy is truly amazing in his craft of words and logic. His answers to common questions are highly original, creative, and like a slap in the face of freshness.
He said that the majority of people's illness's like depression are self-created. Depression is a thin line between sanity and insanity. Once crossed you kind of get stuck in depression if you cross that line too often. People who want attention become depress so that they can get attention. Asking "How are you" is a form of attention seeking. This qing or human sentimentality is so strong in every human beings. We cannot stand being alone. We rationalize and do so much to avoid the void. We are social creatures?
Illusion
Thoughts, emotions, and imagination are all hallucinations we create in our mind. There's no way to prove it. These intangible ideas only pave way to a will said Sadhguru. Other than that, this is all just assumptions. Our thoughts and imagination are so strong that it becomes our "reality" and we cannot see anything else in a different light. What an illusion. Life is meant to live in the now. Life is meant to be engaging with one another and create experiences and not be super serious all the time. There needs to be balance or the Middle way.
Seriousness
Life purpose and being dead serious is a funny topic now because of how Sadhguru spoke of it. He said do something ridiculous to get out of that seriousness. What I understood from him is that people who are serious think they are self-important or what they are doing is so important that they forget to enjoy life. They don't care for laughter and the simple things in life. It pays to be joyous not sad. There's no point in falling into depression. Depression is a sign that I must change. Anger and negative emotions can cause seriousness and depression.
Reflections
Looking back I've become this "dead serious" person who always strive and strive for self-improvement. I've lost my fun because I'm so serious and constantly thinking about important topics getting lost in my head about what I want to do as a career in the future. Still I'm undecided and I let my life pass me by so quickly wasting time doing nothing but being in my head or constantly doing research = aka overthinking. I Should stop being so god damn serious and have fun. I need balance. Try something new. Go to some place new. Get inspired!
What I think Self-mastery is
Self-master ultimately means having control over my thoughts, emotions, imagination. Self-mastery is being fully present and living a balance life based on self-awareness. Can't be sad all the time or fuel negative emotions all the time. Instead, be happy and live a simple life. Learn and experience life to the fullest.
Thursday, February 9, 2017
Lessons I Observed from Sifu Tonight
- Just do it! Don't talk back. Don't complain. Don't let your emotions control you.
- Keep changing and keep improving. I want to see you better than you are today next week. Never stay the same! Staying the same is wasting time.
- Be cool and strong inside and out. Not just without but also within.
Man I'm missing out on so much nuggets. I need to speak up. Let go of my ego and just open my mouth. I hold myself back not anybody else...
Met an Angel from the Heavens Tonight
"Things happen for a reason"
Tonight I just went to my routine martial arts class and lo and behold my usual classmates weren't there but there was TP. TP noticed how sad I was ever since I came back in town. I asked her how I changed? She said I was more serious. Last time she said the same and I was surprised. How and why did she say this? Today I got clarification.
Instant Rapport - Correctly and Connecting by talking about other's Main Subject (Themselves/thoughts)
She notices all the little things like how I wasn't smiling like before or wasn't talking to so and so. She predicted my whole depression/situation by predicting it. It already takes skills to notice someone who is suffering silently by reading their BL and face yet it takes more powers to predict someone's situation so accurately! She asked me if it was a family problem? Sort of. She said it was personal than. Yup. I didn't say anything further and she connected the dots that it was a career/life issue. I was at awe with my mouth opened. Shocked. This was before class.
Even after class she'd asked me if I want to talk about it. Like me I didn't want to be a bother to anyone but she kept talking and we talked for quite a while outside all sweaty and in chilly weather.
Her Counseling
She's such a true, wise, good human being for her age. She isn't bsing either. She clarified what "faking till you make it" versus choosing to be happy meant. She's gone through tough things too but she doesn't let it let her down.
She told me not to hurt myself. She suggest I write things out. She's an ENFJ. She gave me recommendations like go back to community college, become a monk or missionary. Lol she read my freaking mind it's crazy. I was talking to my mother about being a monk yesterday. She said I could be a philosophy teacher since I've read so many books on religion.
I told her I didn't want to pollute her mind with my negativity but she said she can handle it since she has seen reality.
What a strong soul! Never letting negativity or other's bs opinions bring her down. It shows since she's good in class as well.
What a priceless interaction. NO counselor can match up to her.
She'd tell me stories of how mopping around doesn't do any good (probably from personal exp). That she likes to talk to people and that meeting people can change someone's life.
That the "world doesn't owe me anything" - Omg I died hearing her say this. This is deep and I've heard in in a youtube video but her is a girl who's teaching me on life.
Her outlook is - Positive, emotionally strong, doesn't give up, persistent, likes making a difference in people's life by helping people.
She'd even try to help me get a job. Omg she's SOLUTION oriented!
She said that she can show the horse the water but it's up to the horse to drink it.
Tells me to smile. Tells me how low confidence my bowing was. Wow I should be a shame of myself. When I do not have a mentor or any role-model the only person I can be aware of is myself but even then I wasn't aware of how shitty of a job I was doing in just the basic tasks such as greeting others and bowing. It takes discipline as it is an everyday thing not just temporary.
Personal Revelation
I've been so in my head that I don't even care or noticed how I portray myself in the real world... No one even has the balls or courage to tell me or even know who I am to be able to tell me that like she said straight to my face, "I look like shit." Lol. Literally she wasn't lying. I'm too busy playing the victim role that it I am waiting for a savior who doesn't exist. I am in control and am responsible for my life not anyone. Others can have an impact on my life but I have to reach out or learn somehow whether that be communicating with so and so or doing activities with so and so.
I trust her because she predicted my whole situation in less than a few minutes and that even her recent advice was that I should make a goal to introduce myself to many people in my new environment.
Tonight I just went to my routine martial arts class and lo and behold my usual classmates weren't there but there was TP. TP noticed how sad I was ever since I came back in town. I asked her how I changed? She said I was more serious. Last time she said the same and I was surprised. How and why did she say this? Today I got clarification.
Instant Rapport - Correctly and Connecting by talking about other's Main Subject (Themselves/thoughts)
She notices all the little things like how I wasn't smiling like before or wasn't talking to so and so. She predicted my whole depression/situation by predicting it. It already takes skills to notice someone who is suffering silently by reading their BL and face yet it takes more powers to predict someone's situation so accurately! She asked me if it was a family problem? Sort of. She said it was personal than. Yup. I didn't say anything further and she connected the dots that it was a career/life issue. I was at awe with my mouth opened. Shocked. This was before class.
Even after class she'd asked me if I want to talk about it. Like me I didn't want to be a bother to anyone but she kept talking and we talked for quite a while outside all sweaty and in chilly weather.
Her Counseling
She's such a true, wise, good human being for her age. She isn't bsing either. She clarified what "faking till you make it" versus choosing to be happy meant. She's gone through tough things too but she doesn't let it let her down.
She told me not to hurt myself. She suggest I write things out. She's an ENFJ. She gave me recommendations like go back to community college, become a monk or missionary. Lol she read my freaking mind it's crazy. I was talking to my mother about being a monk yesterday. She said I could be a philosophy teacher since I've read so many books on religion.
I told her I didn't want to pollute her mind with my negativity but she said she can handle it since she has seen reality.
What a strong soul! Never letting negativity or other's bs opinions bring her down. It shows since she's good in class as well.
What a priceless interaction. NO counselor can match up to her.
She'd tell me stories of how mopping around doesn't do any good (probably from personal exp). That she likes to talk to people and that meeting people can change someone's life.
That the "world doesn't owe me anything" - Omg I died hearing her say this. This is deep and I've heard in in a youtube video but her is a girl who's teaching me on life.
Her outlook is - Positive, emotionally strong, doesn't give up, persistent, likes making a difference in people's life by helping people.
She'd even try to help me get a job. Omg she's SOLUTION oriented!
She said that she can show the horse the water but it's up to the horse to drink it.
Tells me to smile. Tells me how low confidence my bowing was. Wow I should be a shame of myself. When I do not have a mentor or any role-model the only person I can be aware of is myself but even then I wasn't aware of how shitty of a job I was doing in just the basic tasks such as greeting others and bowing. It takes discipline as it is an everyday thing not just temporary.
Personal Revelation
I've been so in my head that I don't even care or noticed how I portray myself in the real world... No one even has the balls or courage to tell me or even know who I am to be able to tell me that like she said straight to my face, "I look like shit." Lol. Literally she wasn't lying. I'm too busy playing the victim role that it I am waiting for a savior who doesn't exist. I am in control and am responsible for my life not anyone. Others can have an impact on my life but I have to reach out or learn somehow whether that be communicating with so and so or doing activities with so and so.
I trust her because she predicted my whole situation in less than a few minutes and that even her recent advice was that I should make a goal to introduce myself to many people in my new environment.
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Which wolf am I feeding? Fear or Faith?
Fear is common. Do not be common because common means mediocre. What's worst than mediocre is doing nothing. Have faith to do something instead.
Faith is required because there is a gap in any vision. Do not worry about the How. The universe will take care of that as long as you have Faith. Believing is the act of Faith. Believe in what I am doing 100% and have unwavering Faith. Spiritual Intelligence answers the How.
I believe that when we have a vision we can envision with our third eye. I feel something between my eyes when I close my eyes and pray or even when I think about an ideal future while both of my eyes are open. For example, while driving and thinking about my vision with my "third eye" my physical eye was just wide open but I don't focus on what I'm seeing. I have to even remind myself to step on the breaks while driving my car. The important key here is to never lose sight of that vision in my third eye while doing whatever it takes to progress towards that vision. I have to have the attitude of abundance as well and not scarcity. I already have that and can feel that vision which makes me able to see all things as how I envision with my pair of physical eyes.
We are Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience
Strong inner game / inner confidence comes from ENVISIONING my ideal life where anything is possible as well as FEELING that abundance that I already have it while making decisions towards that VISION. Requires FAITH in ACTION.
Faith is required because there is a gap in any vision. Do not worry about the How. The universe will take care of that as long as you have Faith. Believing is the act of Faith. Believe in what I am doing 100% and have unwavering Faith. Spiritual Intelligence answers the How.
I believe that when we have a vision we can envision with our third eye. I feel something between my eyes when I close my eyes and pray or even when I think about an ideal future while both of my eyes are open. For example, while driving and thinking about my vision with my "third eye" my physical eye was just wide open but I don't focus on what I'm seeing. I have to even remind myself to step on the breaks while driving my car. The important key here is to never lose sight of that vision in my third eye while doing whatever it takes to progress towards that vision. I have to have the attitude of abundance as well and not scarcity. I already have that and can feel that vision which makes me able to see all things as how I envision with my pair of physical eyes.
We are Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience
Strong inner game / inner confidence comes from ENVISIONING my ideal life where anything is possible as well as FEELING that abundance that I already have it while making decisions towards that VISION. Requires FAITH in ACTION.
I am not my Story
CLS - Relationships
What is the story you hold on to?
Limiting beliefs that repeats itself. That makes me a victim. That is an excuse to live life to the fullest. E.g. - quiet and not confident.
I am not my story. Stop telling that same negative story to myself and everyone. I will reframe that story to an empowering and positive one. I will learn from my past mistakes and move forward not backwards
I have the power/responsibility to control my life and influence those around me. I will write a story full of love, friendships, happiness, joy, everlasting peace, power, spirituality, courage, strength and blessing.
Observations
1. We are our worst critic. = Reframe negativity to positivity
2. Everyone is going through rough times. You don't see it. = Be compassionate towards all. Everybody just wants to be loved and accepted.
3. Fears control most of us. Let Faith and Love be our guide and not fear.
What is the story you hold on to?
Limiting beliefs that repeats itself. That makes me a victim. That is an excuse to live life to the fullest. E.g. - quiet and not confident.
I am not my story. Stop telling that same negative story to myself and everyone. I will reframe that story to an empowering and positive one. I will learn from my past mistakes and move forward not backwards
I have the power/responsibility to control my life and influence those around me. I will write a story full of love, friendships, happiness, joy, everlasting peace, power, spirituality, courage, strength and blessing.
Observations
1. We are our worst critic. = Reframe negativity to positivity
2. Everyone is going through rough times. You don't see it. = Be compassionate towards all. Everybody just wants to be loved and accepted.
3. Fears control most of us. Let Faith and Love be our guide and not fear.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Initial Counseling and What to Make of it
I did a counseling session with a local out of an impulsive decision I might add... I was just so tired of repeating day to day the same boring bs that I've been going through like doing literally NOTHING because I am unmotivated and have no direction in who I am or where I want to be or how to get there...
Interestingly enough he also wanted me to check out other places. Being unemployed and emotionally unstable I don't know if it was worth it so I tried it out. I'm trying to do something different I suppose because what I've been doing lately for myself or what I have not been doing isn't working all too well. The definition of "insanity..."
He asked me pretty much everything from what my family members do to pretty much anything he wanted while I didn't know much about him. I guess the focus was so on me that I didn't realize the conversation was somewhat one sided.
This was probably not the first time I cried and had to stop talking to get me to be able to speak. Perhaps all the times that I've ever talked to a counselor I had a breakdown... This time I broke down when I was telling him about my day to day routine as of. I cried because I know that I am wasting time and in a shit hole and I am not doing anything to achieve or give back to my family in return. I said I was "trapped" and hopeless :'(
Maybe he is asking me all these rando questions because he wants to figure out how much he can charge me? It's $50 cash per session. Today's session probably went like 30 mins over so it was like an hour and 30 mins.
His Solutions
Assignment 1 - resolve date for training with point of contact.
Assignment 2 - come up with a 6 month goal.
Showed me the deep breathing exercise which I learned yesterday on Youtube to help me anytime I feel anxiety. I figured anytime that I overthink/indecisive I become more and more anxious.
Towards the end I was in a dilemma because I couldn't make up my mind if I should see him again or not. He's already got me all invested in this first session and he asks me this? I feel like I am such a pushover/passive beta because I am incompetent and not confident in making any resolutions. I'm seeking approval by letting others make decisions for me and when they do make decisions for me and things do not go as plan I begin to blame others.
I think he was surprised how much crap I checked: financial worry, depression, anxiety, indecision, unmotivated, etc. Man! what a downward spiral!
He is a proud introvert. He suggest I not give a fuck about other people or society and only focus on me. I should do what makes me happy. He also likes how I am an introvert because I am similar to him. I like to think a lot and I like to keep a journal everywhere I go. He also suggest that I write down my thoughts.
As for career even he suggested before I make a big career decision that I should work in the setting first before making the move. From his experience he was a case manager at a hospital before pursuing his Masters.
He is a proud introvert. He suggest I not give a fuck about other people or society and only focus on me. I should do what makes me happy. He also likes how I am an introvert because I am similar to him. I like to think a lot and I like to keep a journal everywhere I go. He also suggest that I write down my thoughts.
As for career even he suggested before I make a big career decision that I should work in the setting first before making the move. From his experience he was a case manager at a hospital before pursuing his Masters.
I asked my friend if he had ever been to a counselor before and he had. The counselor he had was an intern. His visit was far but it was free. Lol how everything he searches for online is free since he didn't have money. Still wise of him to get the services he needed and wanted.
Friday, February 3, 2017
Bruce Lee podcast - Root and Happiness
Awareness is Key
Dealing with problems the best way is to be aware of it.
Next is to face the ROOT of the problem which is very stubborn if it isn't faced.
Humans tend to either choose fight or flight when they face an issue.
How have I been living the past few months? This morning even in my bed I noticed how I am constantly trying to choose flight. I bind myself and hide under the covers. I choose to not engage the world or my mind but to just pretend to sleep. I change positions in bed to not get bored of sleep. I've been living stubbornly by choosing escapism in the form of sleep and inaction. Currently I do not play video games, cold approach, or watch porn to escape but I still escape reality or not engage with reality by being stifled and not moving. I am not living whatsoever and am at spiritual death.
Julien was right about being happy here and now. Don't chase happiness because it is fleeting. I don't want to give myself permission to be happy by reaching a goal. I can choose to be happy right now. I can meditate and focus on my breath. I do not have to listen to my negative mind which constantly berate me.
What have I been running away from? I've been running away from myself. I've been running away from the belief in myself that I am capable and able to creatively think of a solution to the hiatus that I am on. I've been running away from little things that have drastic impact day to day from simple things such as selling some stuff I didn't need.
By escaping myself I have lacked the power and will to change myself. I've become irresponsible and self-absorbed/self-pity/self-destructive. I've been wasting my life and my time since quitting my job in November. It is now February which is 3 fucking months! Time flies even when in depression wtf.
I felt that my options were so limited because of the training that is "going to be scheduled" at the end of February. I tried to do computer programming but just gave up. Now I want to pursue an advance degree.
Anxiety
A lot of anxiety comes from procrastination. It also comes from limiting beliefs and self-sabotage. Why the heck do humans have the tendency to self-sabotage or inflict pain to him/herself? They say we are our worst enemy...
BE HAPPY NOW. CHOOSE HAPPINESS IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. LET GO OF SELF-SABOTAGE. CHOOSE TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST WITH THE HAPPY CHILD-LIKE STATE THAT IS CULTIVATED WITHIN NOT WITHOUT BECAUSE WHEREVER YOU GO THERE YOU ARE!
Dealing with problems the best way is to be aware of it.
Next is to face the ROOT of the problem which is very stubborn if it isn't faced.
Humans tend to either choose fight or flight when they face an issue.
How have I been living the past few months? This morning even in my bed I noticed how I am constantly trying to choose flight. I bind myself and hide under the covers. I choose to not engage the world or my mind but to just pretend to sleep. I change positions in bed to not get bored of sleep. I've been living stubbornly by choosing escapism in the form of sleep and inaction. Currently I do not play video games, cold approach, or watch porn to escape but I still escape reality or not engage with reality by being stifled and not moving. I am not living whatsoever and am at spiritual death.
Julien was right about being happy here and now. Don't chase happiness because it is fleeting. I don't want to give myself permission to be happy by reaching a goal. I can choose to be happy right now. I can meditate and focus on my breath. I do not have to listen to my negative mind which constantly berate me.
What have I been running away from? I've been running away from myself. I've been running away from the belief in myself that I am capable and able to creatively think of a solution to the hiatus that I am on. I've been running away from little things that have drastic impact day to day from simple things such as selling some stuff I didn't need.
By escaping myself I have lacked the power and will to change myself. I've become irresponsible and self-absorbed/self-pity/self-destructive. I've been wasting my life and my time since quitting my job in November. It is now February which is 3 fucking months! Time flies even when in depression wtf.
I felt that my options were so limited because of the training that is "going to be scheduled" at the end of February. I tried to do computer programming but just gave up. Now I want to pursue an advance degree.
Anxiety
A lot of anxiety comes from procrastination. It also comes from limiting beliefs and self-sabotage. Why the heck do humans have the tendency to self-sabotage or inflict pain to him/herself? They say we are our worst enemy...
BE HAPPY NOW. CHOOSE HAPPINESS IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. LET GO OF SELF-SABOTAGE. CHOOSE TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST WITH THE HAPPY CHILD-LIKE STATE THAT IS CULTIVATED WITHIN NOT WITHOUT BECAUSE WHEREVER YOU GO THERE YOU ARE!
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