Grandpa Passed Away - Can't hold back the tears

Couldn't hold back my tears. I visited my grandpa in 2012 and it's been almost 4 years. He had Alzheimer's when I was met him already. Luckily my mother went back to the country to visit him.

Family went to a ceremony hosted by mom's religious worship place. Yeah, tears and boogers just droop down.

This was the second "funeral" I went to this month. The other was at dad's friend's husband.

Reflections
He died at 92 and was really healthy anyways so it was a noble death. I wouldn't be were I am today without my grandparents or parents. I just tried to imagine the legacy he left behind. Trying to remember what i can of him. I didn't get to know him well since we had to move to America and I was very young. It's sad to think what my mother has to go through as she left her whole family back in the country to come to America. She has to suffer and work hard to raise the big family in addition to my father who worked two jobs. Man, being comfortable is really bad as I forget what my parents and forefather went through for me to be in such a good position today compared to how they lived back then.

Very 1st Mastermind Meeting

Very 1st Mastermind Meeting

11/19/2015

(WL + L) via Skype

Resources & Connections

(Manufacture)

(Sales/Support)

Finding Your Dream Job Course – Brian Tracy

·         Process to fully ready someone in looking applying for a position

Napolean Hill – Think and Grow Rich Book

·         School doesn’t teach life/work skills

·         Give value / Put in a lot of effort early (WL’s regret)

Overview

1.      Benefits of a Mastermind group

2.      Career

3.      Goal setting

4.      Personal Goals

Career

·         Importance of networking to getting your foot in the door. It’s about who you know not what you know.

·         Know what you want and then learn/ask questions from someone who has gone before you. Use linkedin, etc. to contact them. People love to help. Make sure your message is in detail and to the point so the person you asked the question don’t waste their valuable time. Keep reaching out – it’s like cold approach.

Goal setting

·         Attempt/Try/Test it

·         Goal has to be specific and quantifiable = being specific is the anti-procrastinator

·         Refine and try again

WL’s Goals

1.      Join a Meetup in terms of: Social, Hobbie, Career

2.      Mastermind – Online Business

3.      Lifting

4.      Relationship - 1 number per week

L’s Goal (attached)

Misc.

·         Money and the compound effect. Start early.

·         Be a self-starter. Don’t wait on anyone or for the right opportunity.

·         Start a facebook MM group

Personal Reflection, Personal Flaws

Dafa has allowed me to be more self-reflective in the moment. On the positive side, I get to see my positives and negatives.

Weaknesses
1. Impatient - I just want results right away. I'm shortsighted. I forget success or anything requires daily commitment and habit.
2. Too judgmental means I see what I dislike in others and I get butthurt easily. I have high standards for myself and others and when others don't meet up to it which usually happens, I get frustrated.
3. Dabbler - I have a tendency to move from one thing to the next. I like new things/ideas.

Strengths
1. Go-getter, hasty action-taker
2. Commitment - when I start something I want to finish it before I switch to a different task. For example, if I want to finish reading Chapter 1 of a book, I have to finish it before I do anything else. But for things that require long-term commitment, I get shortsighted

Disappointment with Volunteering for an Event

I learned a few lessons yesterday

1. Find out what I am getting into before participating.
2. Heed caution and advice from people who has done it before
3. Zealous?

I do not agree promoting an even when apartments signs are up saying "no soliciting, no marketing."
I asked the person in charge. He reframed it as it is okay and that we are doing a good deed. He doesn't even care. I asked the driver and she just ignores me.

Isn't this zealotry out of hand? Wouldn't this scare other people/new people from joining this group? We live in the land of the free. Why do we have to break rules and get ourselves in danger or even the event in danger ($100 fine per brochure + complaints) when we are merely volunteering our own time and resources.

Are these people blinded or zealous? They go out of their way to promote an event on their own thinking it will do good. But look, did the master say to do this? No.

When a belief is too strong and there is no logic or sense than I think these people are not doing the right thing. They aren't even considering the negative impact they have on others and then they go and wonder why people call them names. There's always two and a half sides to things. Blinded people are persistent and only see their way - which is a disadvantage.

On Spirituality

On Spirituality

Saw an RSD video since somewhat a long time. It was the one where Tyler was in the Red woods of Cali talking about motivation. I totally agree with him on the 3 different levels of motivation and why we tend to shift our motivations. I see myself not very motivated to have sex with beautiful women or else I would be hustling hard already. Sometimes I feel like I’m just doing this because other people are doing it or it’s just what society think is cool. In a way PUA does go against my other path which is a spiritual path which I have been inherently searching for a long time. I think I found it [Falun Gong] and have been trying to get back to it consistently since finding it in 2012, at the same time as starting cold approaching with SimplePickup.

My spiritual path could careless about getting laid and making money. It’s about removing human attachments. Although I don’t have many attachments the two reoccurring attachment I have are Ego and Lust. My lower motivations are like everyday people wanting to prove myself that I can pickup chicks, study the pursuit of success, and make money. So I go in and out from one motivation to another [this is what happened in 2012 and pua took over and then I stopped my Spiritual path]. Of course the high self is always better and I do feel peace and understanding going this route compared to the frustrations of pua and pursuit of human desires. It is not to say that I won’t pursue them. I will but it shouldn’t be priority as human attachments will be human attachments, not of higher spiritual self. There’s a way bigger purpose in life than money and girls and that is the spiritual path, in my case Falun Gong.

I’ve realized that just because someone is successful in a certain aspect of their life doesn’t mean that they should be followed because these people may have mastered a part of life such as money or women but in the end it is not self-satisfying as Spirituality. Peter Voodg and Dan Pena are badass as making money but both cannot even sit down to meditate. I find this pattern somewhat intriguing. Basically I am saying to be careful of who you follow and what you read as human moral has declined tremendously. In example with RSD Julien… I was a big fan of his but I changed my mind after seeing Shift and his new channel. When he went too far to market himself so ridiculously and got into a scandal he then comes out with Shift. I sensed that this scandal woke him up. He then released Shift which was a no bs product and he goes into what he went through. What does that say about RSD Julien before Shift? It says that he was in a manipulative frame of mind in pursuit of fame, money, and women. Not saying he is all bad but I felt that I was one of his puppet because he lied to his fans. Why would he admit to everyone in his new product what he had done wrong if he didn’t do anything wrong? So again, just because someone is “successful” doesn’t mean they have the best of your intentions.

Yeah I do not think a lot of people will understand where I am coming from but this is what I am going through. As I am writing all of this I believe I am writing in the best of my intentions and from my higher self.

Check out that Tyler video. Check out Falun Gong. Keeping it real.

*If I get banned or any of this gets deleted. I think you know why.

1st Time Volunteering for Shen Yun

It's a Sunday and I didn't have anything planned so I volunteered to pickup 3 boxes of brochures and than went around an apartment complex to deliver them. There where about 22 buildings each was 3 stories tall so I ran up and down the stairs. It was a cool day and so half way in I didn't need my jacket anymore. I kept a good fast pace jogging most of the time or walking fast. I started at 12:25 and finished at 2:40 so it took about 2 hours and 20 minutes to deliver 2 and a half boxes out of 3 boxes.

My first building I was excited. This opportunity made me realize what a great show this is going to be in January and I cannot wait to take my folks to watch it. I also realize that there are so many people to deliver these brochures to. It's obvious that we live in a big world but the experience of consciously knowing there are so many people besides the folks I am use to.

Afterwards I got my hair cut and then went to Martial arts class. I was -2 or 3 pounds but I felt great. Wasn't dizzy or super tired in class either. I only had some crackers and water while I was volunteering solo and in the morning I had cereal. When I got home after Martial arts class around 6:35 pm is when I ate my dinner which was saved from lunch. I am amazed at how great I felt even though I didn't eat lunch yet jogged and walked for 2 hours as well as go to martial arts school and made it just fine.

In addition to all this I slept only 4 hours last night.

Dream - Special treatment & Post apocalyptic?

I dreamed that I was with some of my family members. We were part of some secret society and so our hideout was at a school. We were going somewhere at night and had returned. We had the shortest path towards our destination compared to others who took the train and took the longer way. Maybe it was because my brothers were in high rank or in the military that we had special treatment.

I saw Binh on the back of a train. It was kind of futuristic or anime like how he was somehow hanging or hovering behind a train.

This is all that I could remember...

Today is veterans day after all...

What Attachments to Eliminate

1. porn
2. sleazy pua - lies
3. speakers who are after fame and fortune
4. sentimentality; ego, showing off, placing high value on what is minuscule 
5. chikung practice
6. other theories/religion
7. youtube
8. various music
9. going out to low virtuous environement

A Young Practitioner's Journey on Falun Dafa

How I found Falun Dafa and Self-study
I found the Dafa in 2012 when I was curious and happen to found the Epoch times newspaper near the computer desktop. I read the articles and was intrigued. So I did some research online and ordered the first book. Falun Dafa. I read it and must have really enjoyed it because I then returned and bought the other books as well. I was mediating and it was awkward at first to practice the exercises. I even tried to reach out online for other practitioner but there was no success. I was diligent in my my meditation by practicing in the mornings and evenings. This was also the period where I was starting to practice pick up and attracting women because I felt lonely and inadequate. The two sources were very conflicting and I was confused. On the other hand I come from a Buddhist tradition and although the Buddhist teaching had helped me understand and compare it with the Dafa, I couldn't come to grasp with believing in only the Dafa.

Somewhere along my pick up journey I stopped practicing the Fa and stopped going to the meetings.

Returning to the Fa with Fa Community
One day when I was at the Asian market I saw a flyer about Falun Dafa Day. It hit me that I know what Falun Dafa was! I was excited and since I was out of school and had no job even though I looked hard I had lots of free time and decided I go to Falun Dafa Day. I almost didn't make the Falun Dafa Day because I was going out late at nights trying to practice pick up but at the same time pickup taught me persistence and integrity and self-discipline.

So since Falun Dafa Day I met more Falun Gong practitioners and had my questions answered. It was so diverse - there were people from many backgrounds and it just made me feel appreciative. I started to go to the Dafa Study every Friday and got in contact with other practitioner simply by talking and questioning. Since the majority of the Fa study participants where Taiwanese and I felt out of place A. gave my contacts to CV who was from the same country I was from. CV reached out to me and invited me to her home which I didn't mind driving far away. There we read the lecture and other practitioners showed up. During discussion I shared my story and asked questions I had about the Dafa.

Losing Sight of Dafa Shortly
Going further down the road I was still doing pick up and learning a lot about success and entrepreneurship but none of it really changed my life because I was bad at implemented ideas into tangible results or taking massive action. I stopped going to Fa study and was pretty much distracted and became a normal human being going through the motion of life. I felt that I missed the intimate community as in groups such as the sanga so I've been practicing Chigon and going to listen to dharma talks with a Tibetan Monk.

(Master suggest to stay with only one school)

CV Reaches Out - Am I a Serious Dafa Disciple?
2 weeks ago a CV, Falun Dafa practitioner who I met a few months back said that she was going to the Dafa study on Friday. I don't know why but I never refuse any invitation from her now that I look back. The only times that I had to refuse was because I had something I needed to do or plans. She wanted to discuss with me after the Fa study but since it was raining heavily she said maybe another time. We read the last lecture which was lecture 9 all together.

Since then I felt like this is no coincidence. I picked up my Zhuan Falun book and started reading from the beginning of the book. I read diligently everyday and the more I read it the more I understood the concepts and what Master was talking about. It was an easy read and this would be my third time reading the book.

 Yesterday which was Sunday she contacted everyone ahead of time to meet up to practice the exercise together and have Fa study. She persisted even though logistics were not in her favor. It turns out I was the only one who showed up. She and her family of 5 drove almost an hour just to come to this gathering and I was the only one who followed through. I was waiting patiently. I didn't have negative thoughts or anything plus I had only four hours of sleep the night before since I woke up early and felt fine to go to this gathering. We did the exercises together and I got to meet CV's family. She also invited me to lunch. We talked more about Dafa and tests. It was very meaningful and I am so grateful for this opportunity. At the current status quo, Master is not very optimistic about many sentient beings being saved.

That night I was very self-aware of how I dealt with my family members and others. I felt like I had failed some tests and since I am impatient I feel that as long as I stick to cultivation practice - answers will reveal itself to me.This is a serious matter and not child's play. My new purpose should be to save human beings and return to my true self. CV and her work with the Fa was so inspirational like many of other Fa practitioner's stories. She was genuine and it is very difficult to find genuine people around. She held her arms and door open and welcome me and anybody new in and took the right action keep each other accountable.

Decision
I now that lately I've been feeling lost like I do not know where my roots are. I've been studying religiously and going course after course or youtube videos and books after one another like a madman to so avail. But since reading the Dafa everyday for a few days straight now and reading some inspiring stories on minghui about other young practitioners such as my self. I have a feeling/thought that I should be a more genuine practitioner. I am more mature and have been lost and constantly seeking truth when truth was already there - I just needed to discipline myself to the high standards of the Fa. This means that I have eliminate human attachments which I have many (sex, lust, lies)... I feel like a lot of my time have been wasted pursuing meaningless matters. It is going to be a difficult road but I might not get another chance like this.

I have already implemented small changes such as reading the Dafa everyday, not buying alcohol when going out but there are more attachments that I must remove.

I know I want to take my parents to Shen Yun and I feel like I want to volunteer there like CV and her family.

Shut up and Work

Update
The past two weeks I've been going out I got one number close from a girl who has a long distance bf. I went out more than the norm since dreamkast came to town. 

Made some changes in my life due to how things aren't working out such as reading less, wasting less time habitually on youtube, books, podcasts, blogs, no more porn. 

I asked myself multiple times what I want in life and I still don't have a clear cut answer. I don't want to waste anymore life time or be a leaf in the wind. I know that I have a lot to learn and a lot of discipline to build up to be "successful." 

The same shit comes up like study and take the ASVAB, get the next slavery job, start programming, pua. Procrastinated and it is such a killer.

The comforts of life really gets me and feels like a fish who don't even know that they are in water. I'm too comfortable in my environment that I don't even have the inner motivation to change or take action towards what I want because what I want is not big enough or not meaningful enough. 

Enough crying. This journey is one of self-discovery. So I should be more "selfish" in going after what I want or feel like doing. 

Shut up and work.

SuperHuman OS - Typology and Drive

Integration Questions:
1. How does understanding types expand your awareness of your own tendencies and potential
for growth?

Able to use the strength to achieve and improve life and allow you to know how to deal with people and know how they are driven.

2. How can you use your understanding of types to create environments and conditions that are
more conducive to your natural tendencies? For example, finding space to be alone if you tend
toward agency, or finding community to support your growth if you tend toward communion.

Join toastmasters can benefit both Eros+Communion. Going out solo to develop Eros+Agency. Have been embracing agency by going to events I want to alone.

3. How can a deeper understanding of types help you to more fully take the role of others?

Will allow me to effectively communicate to a certain audience. For example, if I were to market or make a sale I would first determine what Vertical or Horizon the person is and then adapt to his or her desire. I can embody that drive to relate to another person when speaking with that person.

I believe that I am Eros (creative) + Agency (independent)
Raised by a mother who is Agape (nurturing) + Communion (Yes-man)

Sometimes the Truth is Hard to Swallow

Sometimes the Truth is hard to swallow. Yes I am a person who has always been open minded to learning and growing but when I am all over the place I tend to be "gullible" to the books, lessons, teachers, I encounter. Really I do not know what is the truth but when I hear it or read about it I feel like it is the truth and that I want to follow that path but I get easily distracted from one path to another.

While reading the end of Lecture one of Falun Dafa, Master reminds me to put my heart into one cultivation practice, especially a high cultivation practice such as Falun Dafa. Right now I've also been going to a Tibetan Buddhist monk who I enjoy learning from and I started Chigong with another teacher. I'm really at a crossroads between paths. Sometimes I do not even know if it is okay to just practice Chigong just for health. Would this count as following a different path from Falun Dafa or not? Will this affect my cultivation?

I find it difficult to practice Falun Dafa because I do not feel connected to a community. It's not easy doing things by oneself... If I burn bridges and devote the rest of my life to cultivation practice, I predict that I am closing my mind to other teachings and growth.

Dogma... Why I dislike thee but You could be the Right Path towards perfect discipline and high cultivation

Tangent; I think Ernest Holmes would agree with Li Hongzhi that the mind is powerful and effective in manifestation of reality.

Notes on Dan Pena

Tips

• Just do it.
• Most men live in quiet desperation so follow your passion and you will never be tired.
• Emotional bank account
• integrity - commitment
• Work 16 hours a day
• Get high on Life
• Be selfish. You can't help others unless you help yourself first. Self-esteem.
• Love yourself and you will love what you are doing.
• Look deep into yourself and the past 10 years of your life. Where did you waste time? 
• Show me your friends and I can show you your future
• Stop hanging out with losers and bums
• Believes that we were put on Earth to reach our fullest potential.
• An eagle soars the sky alone
• It's mind over matter
• Don't feel like it? Cunt, just do it anyway!

How to know if someone is Authentic

Ask:

1. Is this person where I want to be?
2. Did this person become a success ethically?

War Plan

1. What did I accomplish this week?
2. What will I accomplish next week?
3. What are my problems and challenges?

The Creative Mind - Ernest Holmes

Today I took about 6-7 hours of my Monday reading and finishing up this book which was about 70+ pages long. It was a bit difficult to understand the author at first but I started to get the gist and reading became enjoyable. The book became practical and just read fast.

Religious Science. New Age. New Thought.

My summary: You are your thoughts. Your thoughts are manifested in reality. Your words impact your life. Your action which comes only from your thoughts also impact your life. You create your own reality. You create your own laws. You have a creative mind which allows you to do whatever you please and think what ever you want - it is limitless. You are "I Am" - like a miniature universe, a mini God, Son of God - You can bring into creation anything you think about. You're thoughts have duration depending on what you think. Your thoughts become form. You can make yourself sick by thinking bad thoughts which manifests into forms and into reality. Think and own your positive thoughts. You are at peace and poise and therefore you do not fear anything. You have faith. You don't doubt or think of negative thoughts. You live in abundance and prosper because of your positive thoughts. You don't have an ego. Normal people won't even know that you are different although you are a magnetic person. You live according to the law which is the Truth. You're standards are based on the law and it is beyond this human laws. What humans talk about or care about are minuscule compared to the law; it is like a baby crying.

You are Son of God. A force that will shape the world. Your power are your thoughts. No one can control your thoughts but you. You are responsible for yourself first and foremost. Be aware of your thoughts. Create your reality.

States Of Consciousness - Superhuman OS

Integration Questions:

1. Consider your relationship to the states of consciousness. Which state(s) are you now at
least somewhat able to access consciously?

I am currently on the subtle (Dreaming) state. I think this is what everyone is at anyways - nothign special.

2. Describe one transformative state experience that you’ve had at any point in your life. Which
state(s) of consciousness were you accessing? How did that experience impact your life?

I had one experience when I was very happy in my sleep. I felt very connected to the world, very free, like a king. That was when I was meditating like 45 minutes a day for every day in the morning as well as night.

Not sure if this is still within the reals of the subtle(Dreaming) state or casual(Dreamless sleep). 

Still confusing between different states. I think the only real way to understand it is to experience it for myself and not by reading about it.

3. In what ways are you called to deepen your development within the states of consciousness?

Falun Gong. Yoga mediation - Transcendental meditation (repeating a phrase) : "One with the Universe."

4. If you are part of a spiritual tradition, which practices have you engaged in within your tradition
that have helped you to access expanded states of consciousness? What was the state of
consciousness that you were able to consciously evoke through this practice?

Falun Gong?

Purpose to Live and Strive

What Really Matters to Me in Life and What Have I or Will I Do to Get There?

Be Specific!

Spiritual: What is of ultimate concern to me?

• Human connection with Nature, Animals, World, Universe | Knowledge; Philosophy
• Happiness (choice, freedom, fun, progress)
• Balance - High level Relationships, Health, Wealth
• Purpose - what my mission is in life? To be the best version of myself. To give back. 
• Growth

E.g

1. PUA
1. Daygame Mall/Campus. Nightgame Bars. Events
2. Buddhism/Philosophy 
1. Tashi. Falun Gong.
3. Books
4. Health/Exercise/Kung fu
1. Books on Nutrition?
5. Money/Job/Career? 
1. Make Money Now - Lyft
• Pay off Student Loans
• ASVAB

Willpower: How can I make actual change in my behavior?

• Keep eyes on the "Prize" - Working towards my high standard
• Start now
• Shut up, work hard
• Overcome obstacles, don't complain, blame, or criticize
• Take baby steps
• Stay calm and keep moving forward
• Consistency, persistence, discipline

What do I want? How am I going to get it? What am I willing to do or sacrifice? Am I willing to put in the time? Don't be a leaf in the wind. Be hard on my self. Build will power. Build discipline - just do it and ignore my emotions. Reflect often and take action right away = Speed of implementation. 

Nothing else matter until I finish my ONE Thing. I'm in it to win it.

Howell's Moving Castle (Spoiler Alert)

I didn't know anything about Studio Gihbli until I happen to find an independent theater showing this movie.

The music was a 10+. I would love to hear the sound track again.

I thought the plot was kind of weird in a good way. Ending was kind of abrupt. Kind of a slow movie but still in a good way.

It is super creative! Kind of mind blowing how the one magic castle can turn into many different destination.

Pretty romantic love fantasy for women here. Really good fantasy stuff. We got a cool and confident magician, witches, animals, funny characters, normal character, and even a non speaking character.

Voice cast was superb. Watched it in original Japanese.

I like how this movie had many references to other fairy tales such as Snow White, The Wizard of Oz, and even Beauty in the Beast.

SOOOOO cool. I needed this refresher. It's a real escape from the mundane. The animation and characters where so amazing they were better actors then any live action movie.

Low Motivation - Just do it?

Feeling gloom. No direction. Inner value is at a low. Working at a place not doing anything and getting paid but still feel soul-sucked. Guilt.

Yesterday just freezed out when the biggest opportunity to meet new people and have fun was there. Can having fun be forced? Can one achieve things in a low state? Of course!

Remember to remember. Intrapersonal - reflections. Do what's right. Don't be unconscious/boring observer. Don't judge negativity. Use negativity for the best. See the light in everything.

1, 2, 3 - Philosophy

1, 2, 3 - Philosophy

Reading the Bachelor's Pad of Economics  by Aaron Clarey is really an eye opener. It literally is that one kind of book I wished I knew about or had when I was in my teens. I can vouch that the reading is easy and that the author really is genuine in his approach to "pass on his wisdom" to other human beings. I used the word other human beings because he actually cares about you, instead of using the word, readers or audience.

1. Life is Finite - You are going to die. How to set goals and execute them. Urgency to act on your Dreams.

2. Time Theory - Now I understand what WSP meant when they said Money = Time. Everything is time. An exchange of things means an exchange of time. I can leverage my time by focusing on what the economy needs. Learning to become a programmer is a surefire way to make good use of my time and in term I will be rewarded with $$$.

3. Happiness

1. Health - maintain it
2. Security - having adequate, long-term source of income. Avoiding financial liabilities
3. Freedom - Ultimate goal. Work for yourself.
4. Purpose - for men, it is a necessity (Freedom, Other Human, etc.)
5. Other Human - choose to spend time with human beings over sad materialistic needs

My Reflections

Such a hard hitting Chapter 2 that I might have to stop reading until I master these philosophy. Before reading this book I was very depressed and had no direction. Was just looking for jobs to pay for my student loans. Now I have a lot to think about. I need to value my time. I further understand the value of time and how money is also time. 

I need to master a marketable skill that is in demand = computer science, programming, web design. Once I achieve this and have the security I need I can pay off my debt and while also focusing on freedom or be financially independent of an employer. Thus I can focus more on giving value than taking value. I can give back to my mom and dad and return money I owe to my siblings. I don't want to have them to keep working. I want my parents to enjoy life and have fun as well, to thank them for all these years they cared for me. I will be careful of any liabilities such as avoiding the wrong wife, kids, relationships, or things that I can't afford.

Hotheadedness or Impatience and Ticks

I don't know why I was so hotheaded earlier and just blurted out everything inside me. I know it felt good during the time but right now it just hit me that I shouldn't have said any of that stuff.

I should be calm and collected. Because one bad thing (curse word) can start a fight or lead to something else bad. I've already witness this recently when my friend got into a verbal back and forth with some random stranger on the street to which they wanted to jump us.

Guess is was stupid of me to lose my cool but maybe it was because I was frustrated at the situation I was in. I was watching the news with parents and you know how I try not to watch the news in general because it has a lot of negativity and blah blah blah; mass media is bad. So I saw some violent images/aggression on screen while trying to understand the story my dad kept on blabbering the same things and even when I called him out on it he'd do it again, like wow he is so similar to my little brother. Doesn't even admit his fault and when someone criticize him/them they get butthurt and their ego get bruise so they have to snap and bite back.

This is too common and it aggravates me every time. I am aware of the problem now and now I will try my best to not lose my cool.

Deeeeeep breath in the nose, I am aware.

Deep breath out... I let it go...

I Quit on my Little Brother

I quit on my little brother.

I made a big mistake by reading the power of now and being too soft to the point where he does not give a fuck about me or my parents or anyone in the family for that matter. He is disrespectful and very stubborn. He talks back even when is wrong. He has a big ego and even when he does things wrongly or hurt someone he isn't even fazed. Is this the definition of a sociopath?

Tai Lopez called this kind of person a pig. Don't try to teach a pig how to fly because you won't be able to. You won't be able to make it budge to begin with. Pigs will be pigs. They will even bite you for trying to assist them. They are lazy and all the want to do is suck value and not return favors. They want to lay in their own pile of shit. Don't even dare to instill an idea of self-development in them for they will not give a fuck. Their life is based on their peers or materialistic things or gossipy shows. They think they are entitled to the world and that the world owes them shit.

Why can't we Coexist? Why are people such fucking morons? What does it mean to practice? How can I ignore this shit? I think I should just be the best example and only help those who want to help themselves. I hear that reward/punishment works with them pigs.

I can't believe what the world is turning to now a days. Even family don't even seem like family. WTF? Stay in your room and worry about your own life on the laptop all day.Yeah just ignore your kids. Ignore your siblings and then when a problem arise just fight back because you're always "right." You're always nonchalant and don't give a fuck because it doesn't apply to you. Do you even know what family means?

Mom Wants to Control my ass

Since I was born she doesn't leave me alone. Everything I want to do is rejected. I'm an artist and she's a traditional conservative. I listen to her and become effeminate. I When I ask for solutions she gives me no answers. She wants me to things that I don't agree with and she calls me out. I explain things to her in another perspective and she doesn't open up and used her old beliefs which hold her back to argue with me. Her wants are only of self-interest and does not promote growth. I resent her for being super selfish and do not think for my well-being or growth. She has low standards and I need to get out of my comfort zone and this house. He has blind spots when she doesn't want to hear something she'd ignore it. Sometimes I have to repeat things over and over just to get my point across and later she'd still.