Lunch time. Called up a girl I met some weeks ago through cold approach. Got the answering machine again. She didn't replied to text either. I just left a voicemail about wanting to meet up with her again and have lunch.
1. Eating lunch by myself. Spot a girl sitting by herself by a corner. Went up and said, "I hate eating alone. May I join you?" She no doubly let me. Pretty cute girl with "high standards."
She scoffs at my question "Did you go to homecoming?" Says she's not involve at school and that it's lame. She asks me many question to start pickup the convo.
My mood - sleepy tired. Restless...
Asks me questions like am I in any clubs? I said no and told her why. She said that's sad.
Lots of silences while eating. My brain probably was not working. I didn't have anything interesting to say at all. She talked most of the time and she was so cool.
Saw a friend and greeted him. Talk a bit. Trying to gain social proof. Friend was a chode of course awkwardly standing there when he should have left sooner.
I ask her is she wants to walk with me after eating and being full and lazy. She says, "No, I'm lazy." I persist once more later asking her to walk and she says "No, bro, I'm lazy." Told her fine, I'll walk along to relieve this tension I'm having. Really had tension because I made this approach so slow and dull. She says I'm weird. Number closed and walk away awkwardly. She was tired by the end trying to keep the convo up and she lost attention on me and focused on her phone. I knew it was over... She was definitely DHV and I can't beat that. I'm not putting her up the pedestal its just the facts. There's no attraction here. I need to work on myself...
Dad calls and says he is going to work so I thought I have the house to myself. An idea popped up; call this girl and ask her if she wants to come over and fuck...
Felt nervous but finally dialed. Told her about my tension and that I'm "dying to get laid." She laughs and said that's gross and how its rude of me and how I shouldn't have said that and that I should know better being a psych major That she barely even know me. That I should find someone else with lower standards. Said she thought I was different... Hung up on me when I was responding. I was hurt and she was right.
-HAD to text her and tell her sooooo SORRY
Now I feel even more like shit. Thinking - fuck all these Pickup material. It's making me worst with women than ever! All this talk about being alpha and having strong frame don't mean shit because there isn't any experiences/references to back up these states. Fucking BS. So I was pushing the interaction right? Hell yeah but fuck it's not turning out as I wanted. Too complex! Was following my intuition but the logic slipped. I fucked up. I'm speechless and confused. How do these pua's get away with all their crazy stories? All this stuff is bullshit as in terms of reteaching this stuff to someone who is a loser. None of it matter. This is the 4th time I screw up something with a girl because I was too "horny."
Notes
- Change my approach
- Stop thinking about getting laid
- Create high standards
- Experience high standards
- Following spontaneity/intuition isn't always the best solution because logic/reasoning fails
- Need to work on myself 110%
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