Today

What am I doing?

Right now I cannot decide how to go about moving on with my life.

Career decisions are so crucial. Should I become a teacher, police officer, or continue my course on UX?

I've already procrastinated and dread the whole UX course since it is all online.

I am lost and cannot find myself. I was solely focus on this course and work but then I just couldn't overcome the obstacles. The course achievement barely started.

So much time has been wasted and I am losing myself inside as well as the world. I have no idea what I am doing. I know that I am doing the wrong thing by wasting time and being at a depressed state and impacting my family members but I do not know how to go about being "normal."

I am too hard on myself and too timid. I have not much to say or offer... I feel like I have lost interest in all things and even curiosity in developing something new.

Why do I get bored so easily or quit so often?

I don't even plan my future right or stick to it... I easily forget what my purpose is.

I wasn't always like this..... I was very resilient and positive before.

When I kept getting rejected and failing to make it in the world for a career since 2013 (5 years ago) I've been shooting myself in the food. Jumping jobs after jobs not satisfied or belong anywhere...

So self-absorbed to the point of shutting down the world around me. Stuck in my terrible ways and my issue. So so bad. And this in turn churns and churns fueling more negativity / vibe.

I am so sorry but that's not enough. Sorry does not cut it. I know I need to take responsibility and take action yet I don't make it happen.

What is my fuel? What is my drive? What do I want out of life? SUCCESS / career / money / fitting in a world that I don't feel like I fit in.

Social skills / career / adaptability...