In order for someone to open up to us whether it is through giving feedback or opening up from stranger to friend that person has to be receptive or open to receiving the other person. The person has to feel relaxed and open within. It is my job to calibrate different situations in encountering people with different emotions on a day to day or hourly basis.
A person who is sad needs a different approach than a person who is attending a concert of their favorite band who is open up to receiving fun and joy because it is expected in those venues.
Going out teaches us social calibration as well as empathy and sympathy. We are able to put our self in other people's shoes as they say. It allows us to use our imagination to reflect upon our night on what we could have done better. We can even role-play scenarios in our heads using our imagination to imagine best case and worst case scenarios that will produce the outcome we want. We get to be in-tuned with our body, emotions, and minds as well as the people we meet outside all simultaneously because everything happens in real-time.
There are two ways which I discussed how we can open up others and make them feel relaxed. I believe that it is true that this is the first stage for anyone to get to since it allows anything else to occur smoothly afterwords. Like it's total common sense that someone will more than likely be "sold" on an idea or "sold"on a person if this person is opened up and not closed.
Change my tone of voice to a relax state. Soft gaze. It's like I put myself in this state first. It's effective to be in this state with this calm demeanor so that we are in control of any situational and emotional upheaval. When others are reacting and going bonkers they always look to the most calm person to follow. Of course there's also a fine line of relaxation. You see just me saying the keyword relaxation puts you at ease. Positive/uplifting words have white magic power whereas negative words have the opposite effect. We learn that whatever we do to others or say to others that it returns to us. When we compliment someone on something we enjoy it gives other people joy but it also shows that we are authentic to ourselves by valuing what we love. It's autosuggestion that happens towards others and ourselves.
Only once after we get people to be open and relax will they be "receptive" to whatever comes next whether you want to move interaction to a logical debate, or fun vibe you're able to change a person's state and they will thank you for it especially when they are feeling the negative emotions of boredom, sadness, anger, guilt, or any other negative emotions.
We become socially intelligent if we can speak to people as in seeking first to understand than to be understood. When someone feels that they are heard than they open up.
And so when meeting new people and whatever we say doesn't hit or have any positive effect on them than we should not take it personal. People are going through their own struggles and we are not able to see, know, or feel it unless they feel safe, comfortable, or trust us to be able to open up and then this is were connection happens. Connection happens when our inner child meets someone else's inner child. It is two or more authentic souls understanding one another on a deeper level and only this level can be reached through mutual trust and comfort.
Another thing to realize about human emotion is that we cannot feel two emotions at the same time. You cannot feel sad/depressed while smiling and vice-versa. Knowing this we work on developing and using the tools at our disposal to maximize our own state managing it while also being aware other's state (whomever we come in contact with).
We use different real world case studies and bounce back and forth these examples so we can break them down and give each other perspective while at the same time we are gaining insights to what we have studied. In addition we are practicing self-expression and communication skills as we talk to one another. We are close as in friends but what that really means is that we are open towards each other to receive ideas from one another. There are depths to friendships and so there are also depths and level in relationships.
So much of understanding comes from empathy, open sharing, and authentic communication with each other as human beings. We shouldn't let looks, background, creed, religion, or the likes deter us from connecting to each other as human beings who go through the same space and time.
Social calibration also means we can see through the matrix. What I mean by this is that we take notes of cultural habits and norms and manipulate them to our advantage. Some examples are listed below.
- Group of girls going out are bored because they feel stuck with the herd mentality and no guys approached them (most are too afraid to approach groups).
vs.
Oh they look bored and so I would have an advantage if I open them up. It would give them value and they would view me as ballsy, points for me! What if one of the girl in the group is DTF? Plus wouldn't I have more options if I approach groups of hot girls? If one doesn't like me maybe another will. We cannot assume that they are mean or whatever. Our minds tend to play tricks on us and we lose if we believe in its BS.
- "Nice to meet you"
vs.
Girl is trying to get rid of you or she isn't interested. So how can we pattern interrupt this?
- When you close the distance with a girl like she puts her face close to mine or I put mine close to hers and she's still standing there than it's a good sign.
- When you feel the music you enjoy in your body and proceed to dance to it instead of being stifle. Once you release the energy through expression through dancing than you are leading yourself. Others notice this and are than allowed to release their inhibitions too. Always be leading. Make the first move and move forward. Two steps forward and one step back.
