Notes - Hang Out with Alex (AMZ)

 Him - realize he suffers from guilt and comparison with his friend (who is better) than him in physical activities. This guilt and rumination causes him to not take action. There is no way he can improve himself if he focuses on someone else instead of his own progress - this stifle his creativity. Jealously also causes suffering

I see myself in him so it felt like I was speaking to myself.

I enjoyed the flow in convo as it got deep (he doesn't have friends who like to talk about self-development)

I can see that he wants to "level up" and no longer be a loser.

We have in common that we study dating advice

I admire his watch that says he has 59 yrs left to live his life

I also learn about myself when talking to him: the realizations above / things we agreed upon / importance of networking / shared experiences as a man (losing virginity)

He shared to me a brainstorming technique he calls it self-mentoring where you write down the topic you're focusing on and ways you can solve it with bullet points

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Was 3 hours but it was cool, educational, better than what I had expected or not expected. Made me gain experience in setting up meetups/"dates"

Seeking Love / Sex / Relationship (*?)

As pertain to the Think And Grow Rich book. I am desiring love. I want connection. I want sex. 

How do I get it? I got to be creative. I got to have Faith. It is already an uphill battle but I will not focus on that. 

I will focus on any and all opportunities I can find to find a relationship / love. 

I must consistently and constantly work on myself (always be ready). 

Use marketing to my effect. Win with creativity. Solve this desire in times of COVID. 

1. Clear skin / diet

2. Fit body from MMA

3. Social skills / Social life

4. Making money

5. Cold Approach

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Some ideas: 

1. Finish DM ASAP / Get exp. / Get internship / Get money / Move out

2. Go out often to get inspire - Go where the girls are: boba, malls, Asian stores

3. Approach people, make friends, be curious, potential lovers

4. Continue to work on myself (workout, image, nutrition)

5. Be smart - be obsessed

Feeling Good For No Reason - HIIT Workouts or MMA Cardio Training

I'm finally feeling good about myself and don't procrastinate as much. 

The secret of feeling good for no reason is and was signing up for the MMA Fight Like a Pro program where I did a alot of cardio kickboxing and HIIT training. 

It was as if momentum just carry over from one task to another.

Another thing I noticed was getting the workout the first thing out of the way - makes me feel great the rest of the day. I would not feel right unless I had workout early in the morning.

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Another win was finishing Jackie Chan's biography in 3 days (300 pg book).

The Neutering is Real at Home

 I Feel like a Neutered Asian Male. Here's the Victim Card...

-Being an Asian pushover. People thinking they can take advantage of me because I'm nice. Being Asian and being Nice doesn't work out in the real world. You already have it stacked against you as an "Asian pushover." Your parents and culture teach you to be submissive and obedient that you cannot think for yourself. Everything you do you need permission or are never good enough. 

-Being tasked by siblings for rides for all my life (drive them to school and to and from the airport). One isn't even grateful and now avoids me. The other has no remorse or cares about my needs or wants. Get used by them as in OPT within the family. Think what happens in the real world.

-Being manipulated by mother to not venture out from home so I can help her. Now getting the oh no I never said I was holding you back when I put the blame on her. She acts like she has amnesia and doesn't recall what she said to me in the past. Don't know why she fears for my desire to venture out of the nest. It's only normal.

Any questions or concerns I rely on Google or ask opinions from people instead of thinking for myself.

In the end it is my life and I will have to pay the price (sacrifice) family time that I've been raised and born into and stuck in for way too long in order to pursue my desires and to take responsibility for my own life. 

My mother isn't and doesn't understand me nor wants nor knows what's best for me. My dad isn't in the equation. My sister and brothers don't care for me and doesn't support my desires. I feel like I"m the only sane and caring person who thinks of others and caters to other and yet sometimes I don't know how to say NO. It's a life suck on my productivity, my well-being, I don't want to be a fucking pawn. I  don't want to be weak and in controlled. 

I'm a man and I want my freedom to do as I please. I'm done being emotional and a pushover because of my ethnicity and the way I've been used. If I still haven't had a date or long term gf than there's something that needs to change. If I tried my fucking best to go out there and approach and invested in all these programs just to come home and be programmed and bounded within the confines of my home than I need to grow up and get out.

-----Childhood Conditioning Filter

I could remember when I was a young boy I'd talk back but always get reprimanded for this; "Stop talking back!" Now I just keep it to myself and don't even have a voice. My parents don't have a voice. I have no leadership nor strong character to look up to. 

I would study Bruce Lee or watch Asian movies to have any sort of empowerment. The Western Media has purposely controlled and emasculated Asian men for their sick selfish gains. 

I do not want to be mediocre nor follow that trend. 

I will do it my way and carve my own path no matter how.

-----I will Manifest My Destiny

My way is to be the version that I want to see. To be street smart and to be an educated man. To be able to defend myself physically and verbally. To be brave and bold to do what I want because I do not listen to opinions of sheeps. I will find my tribe or create my tribe. I will work my ass off to be independent and disciplined. I will lead myself and do what I see as fair and right. I will hold up against my value and gold standard. I will not compromise because compromising is cheating oneself and cutting oneself short. I will be a great communicator and salesman of great thought. I will manifest my Destiny. I create my life because I am the CEO of my life. I do not need permission for anything. I learn from my own decisions because I take responsibility for my own actions.