What negative pattern have I've been in?
When I am frustrated about my current situation or am not moving where I want to be I lash out towards others and sort of "blame" them for not helping me where I want to be. I'm probably a selfish asshoe who thinks me me me and doesn't do shit to help others. Too stuck inside my head and am afraid that if I help others or yield too much I am wasting my time on my pursuits.
I know I am an independent person and am probably not going to like living with people. People just make dumb moves when they aren't aligned with the same goals or values. I figured this out on other friends and acquaintance but now I realized this also affects my family life as well.
If my mother and father aren't entrepreneurial but worker bees than they will do a lot of things that tick me off because I see it as a waste of time and not productive.
What happened this afternoon after lunch was stuff like this:
1. Father cannot communicate expressively his wants or desires when giving a tip.
2. Mother doesn't realize her ways as in going to places and looking at stuff is a waste of time especially for someone like me who has no future going career.
3. Father recommends sloth and laziness and doesn't even know it. Says go to sleep and eat at the most unproductive time.
4. Both are horrible communicators (soft spoken, meek) and horrible listeners. When I'm telling them something I don't feel that I am being heard. I don't feel that they even acknowledged my words. When my mother was speaking I had to ask her to speak up so many times.
Their behaviors are poison and opposite of what a successful person would behave.
Every micro decision or shitty decision that doesn't align with my goals I get pissed off. They won't and don't understand my mind nor the books that I've read. It's also a zap in energy and I fucking hate it when I start to vent and all my dad can reply is about how feeling; Stop your whining but doesn't take in the message or consideration to why I'm expressing these feelings. He has no sympathy or empathy.
Now that just pisses me off even more.
Like off topic but when I wrote so many paragraphs and let Justin read it and I ask for feedback all he said was "woah dude you wrote an essay."
For fucks sake! That's all you have to say? What Asian idiotic moron can you be to think you can keep someone's attention or hold a conversation if you're acting like a balloon head!?
My mother said I'm being difficult. I keep telling her if I am not difficult I'm not going to be successful. Successful people are difficult. In order to be effective you have to be selective not a wishy washy cunt who wants to do this and change his or her mind because of this or that.
That's the other thing I hate about my mother. She cannot make up a decision and is wishy-washy. She's so insecure and I've learnt through her and father to be not only quiet around crowds, but passive, and not take a leadership position. How can anyone be a leader if he or she doesn't believe in him or herself?
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