What My Day Was Like
Today I did really good at work. Got home a little earlier than usual. Shower. Eat. Do more research online about coding bootcamps but then became sleepy so I set the alarm for 35 mins to sleep which ended up being like 2 hours of sleep as I get horrible images of demands from work. You can call it a nightmare. Stress/Dream/Seems like real but isn't...
Second Chance for Jack Donovan
Anyways I did more research and somehow got myself on amazon pondering about who Jack Donovon is. I read his one essay on White Rule or something and decided I didn't like the guy. Also read the comments and reviews for his books which made me decided not to like the guy but today I want to give him a chance and read his popular book Way of Man to see it for myself.
What I Learned About Myself - Use Own Brain
I am different and I have my own brain. I do not need to mindlessly listen to what others have to say. I want to make the final call. Just glancing more on his stuff and came across in a comment about a book called Manipulating Man about how the title describes it. The female author who wrote the book and published it in the 1970s received daily death threats and even her book was banned from the US.
For some reason I just love and am intrigued by ideology which is like a hidden gem from societal point of view. I am not a YES MAN (not sure if I used this term correctly). I am a truth seeker. I always listen and want to hear from both side of the story. I am a Mediator. lol random rant.
Anyways I feel like an idea rushed in my head about how it is true that Masculinity has been shot down pretty much. I don't want to be a wimp or a fool who is manipulated by women or society. The vagina isn't that special yet society worships it.
I agree and have noticed (w/ Donovan) that men often strive for higher conscious or higher purpose and ideals such as Strength, Courage, Honor, Mastery, etc. Well these four are the intro the The Way of Man book by Jack Donovon. Just seeing his Instagram makes me think wow this guy is pretty boss. He is living a life of freedom and masculinity like no other. Makes me think of how I always strive to create a tribe of brotherhood but haven't been successful. Now I know what to do and who to look for. I need to be of value with these Masculinity virtues and then I shall seek men with these similar attributes.
Plans
I don't like to tell everyone about my plans anymore. It seems like from the past that people (family and friends) always shoot my ideas down or point me in some other direction. I need to have a spine. I need to follow my instinct and do what I want. That is the criteria for success and success requires action... Quit my job / Fly to another city to take a Coding bootcamp. Sounds like adventure and fun!
Thursday, September 29, 2016
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Unexpected Off Day Became Spontaneous
Unexpectedly I was sent home because they didn't need me at work today. I was one of like 4 guys that was sent home. This kind of thing doesn't happen often. Maybe this was the second time that happened to me.
As I got home and looked for events to do I saw some interesting events like someone hosted a hike that day. I won't make it but I sent the event host a pm about wanting to go with the group in the future.
Another event was the Japanese Autumn Festival. I remember going to this event in the past and even in my intuition I was wondering when this event was happening because it was usually around this time of year and BAM! it happens to be today! I then saved a screen shot of it (probably had some percentage of flaking it lol).
Then I thought why not invite my Father to come along? Gladly he agreed without excuses or hesitation! Wow what a change. He's more adventurous now? One of his other comment was something on the lines of "to take pictures." Lol, this is a good motivator for him. I was like him before hahah taking pictures of everything but I'm not like that anymore. He also mentions that he wants to eat some Hu Tieu at a restaurant nearby. I picked up on that too.
So after dropping off the car I drove my Father to his favorite food restaurant place. There was a cute girl who just entered after us too and she was also having lunch with her dad. She's Viet and probably 19 or something? I can't tell anymore with Asian girls. They always look so young... Anyways I keep seeing her taking glances at me (So Daring!). I know that I want to approach her but I didn't ;( fearing the worst with people and fathers being around.
So at the festival there were a good amount of people I noticed who use to go to the same community college BACK IN THE DAY so old... The event looked slightly different and plus it was a cloudy day. It had a good turnout nevertheless. Dad took some great pictures. Saw some fashion show, a cool farm dance, and awesome judo skills demonstrated by children!
On a side note one of the familiar faces I saw was this guy who I kept seeing everywhere. He's like AA but likes Asians and hangs around Asians. He was walking with 3 of the cutest and stylish Asian girls. He held one of the girl's hands. Made me think wow this guy is living the dream! What a boss. Long ago he wasn't like this. He went after what he wanted and he looks like he fit with the girls too because he was also stylish. Makes me reflect on my life how I don't go for things that I want or when I do it takes me forever or I just don't get what I want.... Props to him!
Afterwards we went to get something my sister order for my mom and herself.
As I got home and looked for events to do I saw some interesting events like someone hosted a hike that day. I won't make it but I sent the event host a pm about wanting to go with the group in the future.
Another event was the Japanese Autumn Festival. I remember going to this event in the past and even in my intuition I was wondering when this event was happening because it was usually around this time of year and BAM! it happens to be today! I then saved a screen shot of it (probably had some percentage of flaking it lol).
Then I thought why not invite my Father to come along? Gladly he agreed without excuses or hesitation! Wow what a change. He's more adventurous now? One of his other comment was something on the lines of "to take pictures." Lol, this is a good motivator for him. I was like him before hahah taking pictures of everything but I'm not like that anymore. He also mentions that he wants to eat some Hu Tieu at a restaurant nearby. I picked up on that too.
So after dropping off the car I drove my Father to his favorite food restaurant place. There was a cute girl who just entered after us too and she was also having lunch with her dad. She's Viet and probably 19 or something? I can't tell anymore with Asian girls. They always look so young... Anyways I keep seeing her taking glances at me (So Daring!). I know that I want to approach her but I didn't ;( fearing the worst with people and fathers being around.
So at the festival there were a good amount of people I noticed who use to go to the same community college BACK IN THE DAY so old... The event looked slightly different and plus it was a cloudy day. It had a good turnout nevertheless. Dad took some great pictures. Saw some fashion show, a cool farm dance, and awesome judo skills demonstrated by children!
On a side note one of the familiar faces I saw was this guy who I kept seeing everywhere. He's like AA but likes Asians and hangs around Asians. He was walking with 3 of the cutest and stylish Asian girls. He held one of the girl's hands. Made me think wow this guy is living the dream! What a boss. Long ago he wasn't like this. He went after what he wanted and he looks like he fit with the girls too because he was also stylish. Makes me reflect on my life how I don't go for things that I want or when I do it takes me forever or I just don't get what I want.... Props to him!
Afterwards we went to get something my sister order for my mom and herself.
Seize the Day, Today
- Do I tend to put off living in the present in order to worry about he future, or to yearn for some "magical rose garden over the horizon"? Yes I keep thinking and imagining a bad future where I am like the rest of the people I work with. That I will be like them old and hard working and just accepting the reality and hardship of life. I feel that I am too young to waste my time in this environment. I worry what would happen if I quit the job. It's been very difficult to find a decent job and so this is one major risk if I were to quit it. But if I did quit there would be rewards as well like freedom.
- Do I sometimes embitter the present by regretting things that happened in the past-that are over and done with? Of course I do. I rant and talk about my useless degree or how college and education was a scam whenever I get the chance. I failed and am bitter and all I do is focus on this negative energy yet it has some truth to it.
- Do I get up in the morning determined to "Seize the day" -to get the utmost out of these twenty-four hours? No. I have a negative mindset because I think about being demanded to wake up and get ready to go to work which lasts all day. And by the time that I get home I get super tired and unmotivated to do anything. I sometimes stress at work because it seems hectic at times. I do remember before when I would jump out of bed ready to rock and have something to look forward to. For one I think feminine energy is one catalyst or factor that makes me happy...
- Can I get more out of life by "living in day-tight compartments?" Of course! Focus every second and energy on the present moment. Didn't Thich Nhat Hanh always preach of this? Focusing on the present moment also means doing something and not wasting time away.
- When shall I start to do this? The answer is NOW/TODAY/OKAY
Questions from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie
Friday, September 23, 2016
A Day Off from Wage Slaving
Friend From Childhood
Today I hung out with my childhood friend who I haven't seen for like 2 or 3 years. I saw his cool updates on facebook of photos he took while he was on a hiking trip and thought about him. I remember how the very last time we talked he recommended me to read a book he read, the Millionaire Fastlane but I didn't read it because of a stupid excuse like not wanting to read a big book with little letters. Of course I am an avid reader but I guess that time I wasn't into business or entrepreneurship as I am now. Anyways thanks to him we talked a lot he tried to help me because I wasn't doing well in life and so honest with myself. I tend to have personal pity parties sadly... He gave me recommendations since I don't know what the fuck to do with my life and am not happy. This has been a freaking pattern in my life man... Anyways he suggested a lot of good apps like google trip and the dating app Beagles and Coffee. He also said I should learn to Tango and join Toastmasters. Same shit like last time! Seems like he forgot we had that convo already. I need to fucking do shit now because I want to change my life but I don't do shit. I don't want it bad enough. I'm too comfortable. I'm scared of the unknown and scared to quit my job and just jump into an adventure. My life at home with parents ~, ~ is probably the reason I've become so inept in life... So he also invited me to see his property he owned and gave ma a tour of the place there. It was cool. Initially I didn't want to go for some reason by I just say yes because it seems like a good opportunity. Even while driving there my mind was like this is too far blah blah blah. Why do I create these obstacles for myself? I'm weak minded. Overall I'm glad I went there to hang out with him. He's so cool and it's good to see what he is doing and is passionate about. It really opened my eyes to his world. Man he's my age and way more successful!
Friendship Rekindled
Secondly, I hung out with my friend from martial arts. I reconnected with him since last time he wanted to hang out but I said no that time. Some reason I didn't want to end in bad terms with anyone in life. I don't have enemies and I don't plan on making anyone to displease if you will either. Does this make me a people pleaser? Anyways I set up some boundaries and express how I wanted to express rather than let him dictate everything.
Lesson Learned*
To grow I or you must try something new right? To try new things and feel awesome from learning it. Oh how I miss this "mentality" or way of thinking and doing things.
In addition I also took the bulls by the horn by going to get my packet for the color run, going to see my manager about my check and calling SEARS and trying to fix the trimmer which is like super old (15 years?) Lol.
Great day - also going home and playing with my cousin's baby. What a great way to spend a precious and rare day off from a 9 day streak of work consisting of 10 hours average per day!
What to Come
Now I need to read Dale Carnegie book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and consolidate all my old notes from previous books and than apply them to my life. Get the ball rolling and get the momentum going in the right direction.
Let's do this...! Godspeed!
Today I hung out with my childhood friend who I haven't seen for like 2 or 3 years. I saw his cool updates on facebook of photos he took while he was on a hiking trip and thought about him. I remember how the very last time we talked he recommended me to read a book he read, the Millionaire Fastlane but I didn't read it because of a stupid excuse like not wanting to read a big book with little letters. Of course I am an avid reader but I guess that time I wasn't into business or entrepreneurship as I am now. Anyways thanks to him we talked a lot he tried to help me because I wasn't doing well in life and so honest with myself. I tend to have personal pity parties sadly... He gave me recommendations since I don't know what the fuck to do with my life and am not happy. This has been a freaking pattern in my life man... Anyways he suggested a lot of good apps like google trip and the dating app Beagles and Coffee. He also said I should learn to Tango and join Toastmasters. Same shit like last time! Seems like he forgot we had that convo already. I need to fucking do shit now because I want to change my life but I don't do shit. I don't want it bad enough. I'm too comfortable. I'm scared of the unknown and scared to quit my job and just jump into an adventure. My life at home with parents ~, ~ is probably the reason I've become so inept in life... So he also invited me to see his property he owned and gave ma a tour of the place there. It was cool. Initially I didn't want to go for some reason by I just say yes because it seems like a good opportunity. Even while driving there my mind was like this is too far blah blah blah. Why do I create these obstacles for myself? I'm weak minded. Overall I'm glad I went there to hang out with him. He's so cool and it's good to see what he is doing and is passionate about. It really opened my eyes to his world. Man he's my age and way more successful!
Friendship Rekindled
Secondly, I hung out with my friend from martial arts. I reconnected with him since last time he wanted to hang out but I said no that time. Some reason I didn't want to end in bad terms with anyone in life. I don't have enemies and I don't plan on making anyone to displease if you will either. Does this make me a people pleaser? Anyways I set up some boundaries and express how I wanted to express rather than let him dictate everything.
Lesson Learned*
To grow I or you must try something new right? To try new things and feel awesome from learning it. Oh how I miss this "mentality" or way of thinking and doing things.
In addition I also took the bulls by the horn by going to get my packet for the color run, going to see my manager about my check and calling SEARS and trying to fix the trimmer which is like super old (15 years?) Lol.
Great day - also going home and playing with my cousin's baby. What a great way to spend a precious and rare day off from a 9 day streak of work consisting of 10 hours average per day!
What to Come
Now I need to read Dale Carnegie book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and consolidate all my old notes from previous books and than apply them to my life. Get the ball rolling and get the momentum going in the right direction.
Let's do this...! Godspeed!
Monday, September 19, 2016
I Don't Think I Have Any Talent
I want to start an online business. I thought about youtube and blogging and even writing an ebook for a long time now BUT I don't have any ideas or any valuable skill to talk about. In life I don't even have a lot of friends or am known for anything special so how am I suppose to create an online business?
Thoughts...?
Thoughts...?
Friday, September 16, 2016
WSP Summary of Success
No Excuses* - You are responsible for YOUR Life and Success
- Internally motivated (Don't seek outside for motivation)
- Be prepared by consistently practicing on your weakness
- Stress test - endure
- Sales is a crucial skill
- Talent/Skills - what do people say I'm good at?
- Don't waste time on Social media/TV
- Cut off "haters" or those preventing Success
Saturday, September 3, 2016
THE I DON'T KNOW RANT
Lately I've been feeling really stressed out about life in general. About all the minute details and cynicism. About all the negative things I see and discussed with a pal of mine (Ken). I've just been depressed. No energy to get up in the morning. Nothing to look forward to at all. No goals or ambitions even though I wrote down my goals every year. No idea. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to the world and to myself. I'm so individualistic and self-absorbed that I can't help it. I see other people who are struggling and trying to make it but are spiritually lost like me to and so I know that I am not the only one. I have trouble making decisions. This in turn makes a horrible leader and self-destructive. I'm super insecure about my acne which has gotten a lot better. Surprisingly my skin tone has gotten a lot better after returning from training and I look so much younger (even baby face). I feel like I need a foundation because the foundation I had (Falun Dafa) I no longer believe in. It's made me too passive. Too cowardly. Too much forbearance that it appears as though I don't give a fuck. I'm a clusterfuck and I know it. I'm so honest with myself that I show it. No one wants to be around me and I don't want to be around people who I have no interest in getting to know. What is life? I feel like whenever I'm not doing anything like lying in my bed or just trying to fall asleep after eating lunch or dinner that I'm just wasting my life away stuck in my head. Not knowing where to go or what to do or who to look up to. Although I read self-improvement blogs religiously like B&D, GLL, and sometimes D&P I don't even act on what I read. I feel like it's true that people just feel motivated by reading shit but never follow through. Speed implementation is required? Is it the truth? I feel like I am so gullible that I read everything and like everything but in the end I have nothing because I can't choose. Information is overload and information is critical and misaligned. Info is contradicting is what I'm saying. I feel like I am my worst enemy yet I don't know what to do because I don't have a mission in life or a goal. I say that yet I write down goals and don't look at them often or act out my goals. It's really hard for me to apply anything. I don't know what is holding me back. Is it bad habits? Is it so narrow minded that I have no social intelligence? Why is it that I can't do what I want. What do I want? Stop asking questions? Or ask questions and find answers? It has been the same shit. A cycle of mental masturbation. A cycle of self-absorption and suffering. I no longer know who I am because I was listening to Falun Gong on non-attachment. To not be attached to anything. So I'm nothing pretty much. I have no personality nor anything going for me since I don't desire anything. I don't desire suffering yet I'm suffering.
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