Seeing the Dating Matrix - Social Calibration with Tony

In order for someone to open up to us whether it is through giving feedback or opening up from stranger to friend that person has to be receptive or open to receiving the other person. The person has to feel relaxed and open within. It is my job to calibrate different situations in encountering people with different emotions on a day to day or hourly basis. 

A person who is sad needs  a different approach than a person who is attending a concert of their favorite band who is open up to receiving fun and joy because it is expected in those venues. 

Going out teaches us social calibration as well as empathy and sympathy. We are able to put our self in other people's shoes as they say. It allows us to use our imagination to reflect upon our night on what we could have done better. We can even role-play scenarios in our heads using our imagination to imagine best case and worst case scenarios that will produce the outcome we want. We get to be in-tuned with our body, emotions, and minds as well as the people we meet outside all simultaneously because everything happens in real-time. 

There are two ways which I discussed how we can open up others and make them feel relaxed. I believe that it is true that this is the first stage for anyone to get to since it allows anything else to occur smoothly afterwords. Like it's total common sense that someone will more than likely be "sold" on an idea or "sold"on a person if this person is opened up and not closed. 

Change my tone of voice to a relax state. Soft gaze. It's like I put myself in this state first. It's effective to be in this state with this calm demeanor so that we are in control of any situational and emotional upheaval. When others are reacting and going bonkers they always look to the most calm person to follow. Of course there's also a fine line of relaxation. You see just me saying the keyword relaxation puts you at ease. Positive/uplifting words have white magic power whereas negative words have the opposite effect. We learn that whatever we do to others or say to others that it returns to us. When we compliment someone on something we enjoy it gives other people joy but it also shows that we are authentic to ourselves by valuing what we love. It's autosuggestion that happens towards others and ourselves. 

Only once after we get people to be open and relax will they be "receptive" to whatever comes next whether you want to move interaction to a logical debate, or fun vibe you're able to change a person's state and they will thank you for it especially when they are feeling the negative emotions of boredom, sadness, anger, guilt, or any other negative emotions.

We become socially intelligent if we can speak to people as in seeking first to understand than to be understood. When someone feels that they are heard than they open up. 

And so when meeting new people and whatever we say doesn't hit or have any positive effect on them than we should not take it personal. People are going through their own struggles and we are not able to see, know, or feel it unless they feel safe, comfortable, or trust us to be able to open up and then this is were connection happens. Connection happens when our inner child meets someone else's inner child. It is two or more authentic souls understanding one another on a deeper level and only this level can be reached through mutual trust and comfort. 

Another thing to realize about human emotion is that we cannot feel two emotions at the same time. You cannot feel sad/depressed while smiling and vice-versa. Knowing this we work on developing and using the tools at our disposal to maximize our own state managing it while also being aware other's state (whomever we come in contact with).

We use different real world case studies and bounce back and forth these examples so we can break them down and give each other perspective while at the same time we are gaining insights to what we have studied. In addition we are practicing self-expression and communication skills as we talk to one another. We are close as in friends but what that really means is that we are open towards each other to receive ideas from one another. There are depths to friendships and so there are also depths and level in relationships. 

So much of understanding comes from empathy, open sharing, and authentic communication with each other as human beings. We shouldn't let looks, background, creed, religion, or the likes deter us from connecting to each other as human beings who go through the same space and time. 

Social calibration also means we can see through the matrix. What I mean by this is that we take notes of cultural habits and norms and manipulate them to our advantage. Some examples are listed below. 

- Group of girls going out are bored because they feel stuck with the herd mentality and no guys approached them (most are too afraid to approach groups). 

vs. 

Oh they look bored and so I would have an advantage if I open them up. It would give them value and they would view me as ballsy, points for me! What if one of the girl in the group is DTF? Plus wouldn't I have more options if I approach groups of hot girls? If one doesn't like me maybe another will. We cannot assume that they are mean or whatever. Our minds tend to play tricks on us and we lose if we believe in its BS.

- "Nice to meet you"

vs.

Girl is trying to get rid of you or she isn't interested. So how can we pattern interrupt this? 

- When you close the distance with a girl like she puts her face close to mine or I put mine close to hers and she's still standing there than it's a good sign.

- When you feel the music you enjoy in your body and proceed to dance to it instead of being stifle. Once you release the energy through expression through dancing than you are leading yourself. Others notice this and are than allowed to release their inhibitions too. Always be leading. Make the first move and move forward. Two steps forward and one step back. 

Courage with Tony - State Transference and Delivery of Emotional Content Gifts

As an artist I now understand why you put so much emphasis on working through your emotions. I see emotions as a way you can capsize on if you are able to manage it and own it like a pet. 

Since you feel embarrassed or fearful of performing your work here are a couple of frames that could help you. 

Why Your Creative Work is a Gift

You have pride in your work and you own your work. You put sweat, time, and tears into your creative process/work. Now it is time to deliver it. This is where showmanship comes in. So first let's have the frame that you are offering value. You are delivering a gift to your "audience." 

What does showmanship consist of? What do you imagine when you hear the word musician? I imagine a guitar player (paint the picture) who is wearing a cowboyish hat and sitting on a stool singing to a crowd. Before he sings he puts himself in state or the emotion that evoke the work he created in the first place (state transference). 

How to Deliver Emotional Content

If you are able to evoke the emotions within you because music is a time capsule that takes people back to memory lane then you can evoke and transfer the emotional content (your creative work) onto your audience. If your song is about jealousy than you get into that state by remembering the story within your work that allowed you created that work. Then you deliver that emotional content outward with full authenticity and self-expression. Your work that you created is part of who you are - you are sharing your gift. Who can do this? There are no one in the world like you so share your gift to the world. 

State Transference in Dating

As for PUA you can use this tool too infield. You approach a girl because you have something to offer (yourself, your stories). You can control the emotional content of what you say through state transference. Share some stories that you've shared with me or your friends before and how did you sound when you told it? What is the emotion that these stories evoke? Fear as in the Snake story? Awe as in the Rhianna story? Telling these stories will not only allow you to strategically evoke the same emotions in your girl while you're offering value (because let's face it most people are bored and most people don't approach) but also you are allowing the world to be receptive to your authentic self. You are creating your personal space to be expressive and authentic. No one has the exact same story that evoke those exact emotions like you so tell it like how you tell it best and tell it as you!

Tools and Tips for Positive Emotional State Change

Here are some tools to get yourself in-state. Music - has the power to transfer positive emotions too. Dancing also allows you to be expressive. Notice how people always get memorize out in the club when they stop whatever they are doing and dance? So find your favorite songs and create a playlist that pumps your state up. Dance to the song and be expressive. You control your own environment through your own selection of songs. 

One other tip is to ask yourself what frame of mindset are you coming from? Are you "playing" the nice guy, alpha guy, seductive guy, relaxed guy, or funny guy? Whatever your context or character you are playing will flow through you in all aspect such as your choice of words, BL, and all. Your frame of mind or mindset has to be dominant. It has to be a dominant thought through repetition which allows you to behave 24/7 the way you wish. In dating you want to relax the girl, make her feel comfortable, have fun and not take yourself so seriously, and also be seductive. Now you can hit all those emotions by coming up with threads that hit those emotions within you and then gift them to the girl. Your right frame of mind will dictate your thoughts, words, and action to success. Be in congruent with your thoughts, words, and actions. 

Notice what happens when you speak about sex? You get turned on and so shall she through the state of transference. Why do people always feel inspired after a motivational audio or seminar? Because the person delivering the message often times are sharing a story of how they had overcome their struggles to become who they are on stage today. Instinctively we respond well to stories and emotions. We are creatures of habits yet we are also emotional creatures. Most of our decisions can be said to be made if it makes us feel happy or sad. How does this purchase of online sales course upgrade make me feel? 

Why it's Important to Master and Manage our own State

It is awesome to be able to know and apply these technology in our life to manage our emotions so that we can get things done. We do not want to live in fear nor let our emotions control us instead we want to manage our emotions with the proper mindsets, repetition, stories we tell ourselves, and tools that will elevate our positive state. 

Vice-versa take the times when we feel unmotivated, bored, or empty... How can we influence or persuade ANYONE when we are feeling nothing? We actually attract sympathy and empathy from some people but in the end of the day it is up to use to take responsibility for our own life. Only we can pull ourselves from the "pit of darkness." I've been in a Residence feeling locked up before while seeing a psychologist when they thought I was suicidal. The end conclusion was there was no one to save me. My siblings and parents called me. I made them feel sad - I was sad. There was no God nor Buddha nor Allah to save me. I had to save myself and literally proclaim that I was better and that I had rather be outside than be locked up in this Residence speaking to a psychologist or counselor that aren't helping me. I feel that I know myself enough to know what I'm going through. I wasn't able to adapt to my environment and was very hard on myself. I couldn't relate to anyone and felt alone inside my dark yellow hotel room. I was stuck and couldn't finish an assignment I had no idea how to do. I felt bad for letting down my teammates... Maybe I wasn't good at learning to ask for help or to engage with others because I just didn't connect with them? Anyways the point is only those who have depression could understand others who have depression. 

Return and Release our Inner Child

Remember what it was like to be a child? Children have fun and play - that's all they have to do. They dream and imagine. There's so many type of play. Children are curious. We can return and release our natural curiosity and creativity by returning to our inner child. We not only learn better but absorb information better by having fun while playing and learning simultaneously. We can still spread joy as an adult by having fun, exercising our creative juices, and experimenting. Now would you ever self-flagellate yourself if you had the frame of a curious kid just taking action in the world for fun and learning sakes? No! You said Mastery is being a child but having discipline to complete the work right?

This Idea Reduced any Approach Anxiety Drastically 

Thank you for opening my eyes when you say that girls always put on a face or mask. Traditionally if we try to put ourselves into their shoes it makes sense. We have to understand female psychology that girls are placed into a box or frame to be good and innocent, to please others. So if this is their nature it makes sense that they are not really living authentically but often time wearing a mask or putting on a front. At the end of the day every single girl wants to be treated like Daddy's little girl. All that front of being a strong independent feminist female is all just a front. They cannot resist an Alpha man nor the attraction switches that makes them wet (Review these attraction switches). 

Deep down once we open them up and break down their "wall" or mask, their legs also open up. We open them up by making them feel relaxed, comfortable, fun, connected, seductive, and so on. On approach remember that we are offering value / a gift. We start conversations to give value and also to screen her. You have empowered me to really not make approaching a fearful event or in other words have reduced my approach anxiety to think that all women if not most will have a front. It is our duty to make them feel the above emotions and to hit them with attraction switches until they feel those emotions so that they will open up to us. We can also hit them at an undertone level with physical contact, emotions, verbals, and logistics. We are leading because we know the game insides and out and can predict 10 steps ahead while also adapting and flowing to our environment. 

NLP for fear vs COURAGE

We own our internal environment. We do not let fear overcome us or paralyze us. Use NLP and imagine what fear looks like. For me it looks like Hunter the evolve form of Ghastly. I imagine punching it with my boxing gloves and then pinching it to a tiny bit and then squeezing it and then throwing it onto the ground and then stomping on it. There's no fear. Whereas I imagine Courage as a lion like a golden lion from the lion king standing prideful and up straight looking confident. I imagine it roar loud and in charge of a lot of other lions standing beneath it. Courage is a Lion King and I reach out to absorb that spirit of the Lion King into my heart. I have a Lionheart.