Before 2019 ended I was in school for OTA for 6 months. The school shut down right as I was about to start my 3rd semester on Monday.
I was volunteering at Operation Care during Xmas and met two couples who were part of PHP an MLM company who I was exposed to before when I was an energy consultant at the mall.
I decided since the school close I can fill out papers not to continue because I don't want to go to the other private school that is more costly. I had money saved up too and was paying some tuition. I thought if I not continue than I could have my loans waived which did happened. I was then switching to life insurance. I think this decision fucked me over looking in hindsight.
So since Jan-July and maybe August I was with PHP for say 7 months and went to their big events in SA and Vegas.
I signed up and wasted most of my savings on 3 + 2 PUA seminar thinking I was going to Master it this year.
I made some really bad decisions or decisions based on abundance because I felt like I didn't need to work and I could do whatever I wanted even though I was still working PT as a server.
I had some but very slight success in PHP and the PUA seminar. I kept my word and traveled to Las Vegas, Montreal, and even Austin for the PUA bootcamp and it's funny I went to Las Vegas twice 2019. I was also trying to finish up my HTC course.
Actually part of why I stop continuing OTA school was because I had invested 2.5k as well into HTC and got upsold on Inner Circle for another couple thousand until my finances started reaching up to me that I canceled HTC-IC January of 2020 after paying that monthly $200 / month since joining IC around March?
So I spend about 6.7K not including the trip to CIB in September? Including the ticket, flight, and hotels I've spent probably 7.2K in HTC and like 9K in PUA (including flights, food, etc.).
Been depressed trying to find and implement my HTC skills and depressed over having to leave IC. I felt like I wasn't taking full advantage of it and there was just way too much side work and I couldn't keep up with it all. I'd have to read multiple books, do the belts, role-play, and get certificates on Hubspot.
I made a good friend from CIB which I still talk to this day from BC, Vancouver.
It's now half the month or 3 months into 2020. I had RP and time blocked and implemented what I learn and avoided my family to RP for about a month and a half and then stopped.
Some good was I was persistent in making it to KF and finally had my first event with them. I'm currently learning staff pole form and doing mutual fight with Roy.
I had apply to so many sales job so I can practice HTC but most rejected me. I also got an offer at a luxury car dealership and thx to mil obligation I couldn't do all 3 days of training. I got depressed and also anxious. The drive was far and this was what happened that lead me to stop RPing and also doubting Dan Lok who changed his model from influencer finding into inbound.
Went with sister to Puerto Rico with parents and sister's bf even though I didn't want to at first.
Since then I've been depressed and wasting time. No love life. No one hires me that is in close proximity. No more IC. Ended 24 HR membership.
Been very self-destructive. No purpose. Losing muscles. No positive habits. Sleeping in and lying in bed wasting life away. Being a taker and just being hopeless and helpless. Have roof and food thanks to parents but don't have independence or lifeskills or finance to move out. Had offer to live down South but being with parents so long I got guilt trip and attached. Less prone to risks...
Good news is I'm meditating back even though it's been difficult to do and even focus on sitting still and reading a Wayne Dyer book on Erroneous Zone.
Friday, March 13, 2020
Limitless Freedom and Abundance
I'm imagining my "best life."
I'm inspired by what Bob Dylan said about doing what you want to do in between waking up and sleeping and the money comes.
This sounds like pursuing your passion in life. Something like a calling.
In my best life if I could retrace back to my younger years and if money wasn't an issue I'd...
If I can do anything I'd travel the world and live in a foreign country. I love languages and I was taking Spanish for 6 years. What I truly believe was total immersion in order to learn the language. I would love to volunteer or be an English teacher in South America before those programs became more popular as they are today. Other countries that I was interested in are Korea or Japan.
If I can do anything I'd dance and sing. I'd live life full of joy pursuing and going to see Big Bang, BTS, BAP, etc. I know I love and have a talent for dancing but it was never developed. Fun fact - I realized the other day that the majority of the things I learned or enjoyed was doing things own my own and that I did not learn from school. Well aside from extracurricular such as learning how to run XC, Track, and lifting weights, classes didn't teach me much. Electives taught me more than core classes - Spanish, Tech, Typing class, Spiritual Journaling.
If I can do anything I'd like to visit my family in VN more often so that I can understand two sides of the world as well as be more connected with them. It's been 8 years since I've been back to my homeland and it breaks my heart that yesterday it was so random that my uncle called me through messenger. I remember my extended family back in VN have big hearts - something I did not feel ever before living in USA.
If I can do anything I'd like I told my friends I'd travel and learn martial arts from all over the world. Funny thing is there were shows of guys doing this. I love martial arts. It's unfortunate that the martial arts here are for most managed for profit and does not teach ethics. I learned while watching Chinese KF movies as a kid with my family that martial arts is not only something cool but there is a deeper meaning behind it. Bruce Lee demonstrated the martial arts best physically as well as philosophically. No one and rarely anyone is on the forefront today like Bruce. It's all about going to class for about an hour and a half and then going home with no emphasis on ethics.
I'd say whatever I want to say and post whatever I want to post and not be afraid that employers would look me up to judge me and find reasons not to hire me.
Just doing this exercise I feel happy and in a good head space. I feel unlimited and abundance. I don't want family, friends or society to tell me what I can or cannot do. I know they mean well but me being naive and young have listened to them and not been able to have faith in myself. When my mindset and theirs do not line up and they want to see me fail and not support me to want to tell me off - "I told you so" wanting to be right to fulfill their egos, it's a recipe for disaster and no body leaves happy.
I learned recently to not focus on being right but being kind.
I'm inspired by what Bob Dylan said about doing what you want to do in between waking up and sleeping and the money comes.
This sounds like pursuing your passion in life. Something like a calling.
In my best life if I could retrace back to my younger years and if money wasn't an issue I'd...
If I can do anything I'd travel the world and live in a foreign country. I love languages and I was taking Spanish for 6 years. What I truly believe was total immersion in order to learn the language. I would love to volunteer or be an English teacher in South America before those programs became more popular as they are today. Other countries that I was interested in are Korea or Japan.
If I can do anything I'd dance and sing. I'd live life full of joy pursuing and going to see Big Bang, BTS, BAP, etc. I know I love and have a talent for dancing but it was never developed. Fun fact - I realized the other day that the majority of the things I learned or enjoyed was doing things own my own and that I did not learn from school. Well aside from extracurricular such as learning how to run XC, Track, and lifting weights, classes didn't teach me much. Electives taught me more than core classes - Spanish, Tech, Typing class, Spiritual Journaling.
If I can do anything I'd like to visit my family in VN more often so that I can understand two sides of the world as well as be more connected with them. It's been 8 years since I've been back to my homeland and it breaks my heart that yesterday it was so random that my uncle called me through messenger. I remember my extended family back in VN have big hearts - something I did not feel ever before living in USA.
If I can do anything I'd like I told my friends I'd travel and learn martial arts from all over the world. Funny thing is there were shows of guys doing this. I love martial arts. It's unfortunate that the martial arts here are for most managed for profit and does not teach ethics. I learned while watching Chinese KF movies as a kid with my family that martial arts is not only something cool but there is a deeper meaning behind it. Bruce Lee demonstrated the martial arts best physically as well as philosophically. No one and rarely anyone is on the forefront today like Bruce. It's all about going to class for about an hour and a half and then going home with no emphasis on ethics.
I'd say whatever I want to say and post whatever I want to post and not be afraid that employers would look me up to judge me and find reasons not to hire me.
Just doing this exercise I feel happy and in a good head space. I feel unlimited and abundance. I don't want family, friends or society to tell me what I can or cannot do. I know they mean well but me being naive and young have listened to them and not been able to have faith in myself. When my mindset and theirs do not line up and they want to see me fail and not support me to want to tell me off - "I told you so" wanting to be right to fulfill their egos, it's a recipe for disaster and no body leaves happy.
I learned recently to not focus on being right but being kind.
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